Tuesday, July 6, 2010

The Crazy Olympics

In one of my first posts back in April, I wrote about the constant drinking references in some popular parenting books like Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay, et al.  Back in those olden days of  87 days ago, I was only checking out my library bookshelves and Amazon for evidence to support my theory that parents of typical children are "a bunch of drunken pussies", as I so eloquently put it back then.  Little did I know that I needn't have looked further than the blogosphere, where Vodkamom is one of the most popular mommy bloggers and the drinking references are as plentiful as the children's pseudonym "Peanut". 

But even more so than having a taste for the hooch, have you noticed the references to the crazy?  A significant portion of bloggers are zany, loony tunes, stark raving mad, insane, stressed-out, neurotic, obsessive, bonkers, drooling mad, bat-shit, nut jobbers.  It seems that if you are not running down your street screaming and naked with your hair on fire, you need not apply to be a mommy blogger. 

Our culture has done quite a 180 from the Diary of a Mad Housewife days when women would no sooner admit to lunacy than they would leave the house without lipstick on.  They quietly horked back their "mother's little helpers" and kept the crazy to themselves.  And while that was horribly unhealthy and sometimes even tragic, and it is generally a good thing that women today can freely cop to the stresses of motherhood, not every little thing that happens in the course of a day spent with a child can be technically classified as "crazy".  Like if something happens to 50% of mothers on a daily basis...guess what? Not that crazy. 

I'm a fine one to talk, you say?  After all, the crazy is right there in the name of my blog.  Unhinged.  Yeah, I see it.  What about it?  You wanna try to out-crazy a mother of child with autism.  Go ahead, make my day. 

Here's a little primer on the crazy arithmetic for you:
Your baby boy hosing you down during a diaper change = not crazy.
Our kids shoving their noses into our pits to get a deep whiff of BO in front of a God and country = crazy.

Your toddler having a tantrum in Target = happens 873 times per day in every Target on the face of the earth = completely unbonkers.
Us having to find a way to Target while making only left turns = nutty.

Your kid smearing themselves from head to toe with Go-gurt = quit trying to act like it's crazy because you know it's totally cute or you wouldn't have posted the picture.
Our kids smearing themselves from head to toe with shit = the least cute thing in the history of the world.

For those of you joining our blog in progress, I've written a few posts about the stresses of motherhood as documented in typical parenting books and added the special needs parenting perspective.  So far I've covered:
Unsolicited advice
Competition with other mothers
Childcare
Tantrums

I'm going to be wrapping this exercise up with one more post about children's birthday parties, and then I'll rest my case and let the kangaroo court render their verdict.

23 comments:

  1. hey
    Just found your blog through the Autism blogs directory
    you are so funny
    I loved this quote from you - so true
    "The stuff that really hurts is the judgment of other mothers of typical kids who seems to think that their child's angelicness vs. my child's disruptiveness is solely the result of their superior parenting abilities"

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  2. Wonderful post Lynn. As far as self-medicated parents go, I pray for their children. I've seen pictures of these parents laughing while their child sips beer. God help us.
    I was most moved by your clarification of what's crazy but normal and the crazy lives lived by parents with special needs children. Without having a special needs child how can anyone imagine they remotely understand.
    Commenting on K-flooortime lite mama above said: If your child is an angelic child, that child is usually terrified and has learned the consequences of not being angelic. And to even want an angelic child is bizarre in itself.
    As far as superior parenting? there is NO such thing. Believe me. When my son was born, I whispered to him I "knew" I would be a great parent. Sad that I thought that was possible, let alone within my reach. And, yes, there is a profound difference between yogurt and shit.

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  3. A couple summers ago a friend said, "Hannah's made me crazy today. She's insisted on wearing her swimsuit all day long!" I couldn't hold back, so I replied, "are you fucking kidding me right now? How can you even say something like that in front of me?"
    I actually kinda think that THOSE crazy moms were crazy before they had kids, while kids like ours MADE us crazy.

    They don't get it. They'll never get it. But you know what? That's why we have each other. Also, we are the cool kind of crazy. Fact.

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  4. Yeah I agree Dani, it's cool to be crazy in our social circles lol.

    Lynn I've just started reading your blog recently and I love every single post. I am in the population that HATES to hear about what a "hard" day you had with your child because she wanted to wear her fleece pajamas to bed and you said it was too hot to wear them (true story)- WTF? That really is the biggest of your problems?

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  5. Lynn:

    Wow! I can't believe you've only been blogging since April! You're such a talented writer! I'm also impressed that you're already at 100 followers (though not at all surprised).

    Regarding your post: I'm actually attracted to blogs that have allusions to craziness or alcohol in the title. For one thing, it means the blogger doesn't have a pompous, I-know-everything-about-being-a-mom attitude. I like reading the blogs of people who know they are less than perfect!

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  6. Crazy with you...the jury is still out whether I already was or if my second very challenging child put me there :)

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  7. Okay, Lynn, so here's an idea worth tossing around. Cheryl D., myself and anyone who reads your blog - will agree - Uh Oh, do I hear a scoff in the ready? Your writing about special needs in general and autism in particular, is a brilliant mix of what real crazy (to you use your word), being in public places, bumping into more ignorance than most people ever do and your humor. Humor, I think, not meant to be funny as much . . . I don't know. Also, I would bet you are naturally a total pisser woman and always have been.
    *pisser in my neck of the woods means hysterically funny. Probably in yours too, just don't want to be misunderstood.
    Okay so I got a little off track. Write a book about a mom living with a special needs child. Not only would it give others, who completely know that you are writing about, a great gift, it would also expand the perception about living and loving a special needs child. You have a gift.
    Even short essays, like in your blog. Hey, use your posts.
    I promise to buy dozens and hand them out to everyone I know.

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  8. First of all, I clearly should have polled my sistas for examples of crazy claims before I wrote this post. So far we've got wearing a swimsuit all day and wearing fleece pajamas when it's hot...wow, get out the Prozac and straight jackets.

    Secondly, Grandmother Crone, thanks so much for your encouraging words. I would love to write a book. I think you would have to commit to buying more than dozens for me to get a book deal though...how does 5,000 sound? And, yes, pisser is the word you are looking for...thanks again!

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  9. Yes, I'll take 5000 of your books :)

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  10. I don't have a blog nor am I a mother, but I'm with the above commenters... write a book Lynn, we'd all love it!!!

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  11. I am DYING lauging over the Olymipics post

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  12. JUst wanted to add that in my previous comment - I meant the post on "competition with other mothers"
    Also wanted to add that I am not a psycho commentator - who leaves 100's of comments -
    But I just found your blog and its soooo unique and funny
    Okay last comment of the day- promise

    This is soooooo true


    "those that are super-attached to their parents and experience extreme separation anxiety when apart from them, and those that don't have strong emotional attachments at all. Either way, you're not snorting the cooking sherry over the thought that the babysitter is getting more love than you. Whew...what a relief! Finally something that I don't have to worry about. "

    R is the former - he is sooo affectionate

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  13. OK, I've let all the publishers know that I've got at least 10,000 books pre-ordered. I'm waiting for the phone to ring.

    @K: I ain't a-scared of no psycho bloggy stalker...comment away!!

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  14. In reference to the picture of the gentleman at the top of this post:

    "He's mister heat miser
    He's mister sun
    He's mister heat blister
    He's mister one hundred and one

    They call me Heat Miser
    Whatever I touch
    Starts to melt in my clutch.
    (chorus) he's too much"

    And yes, I can sing every word while deep breathing while a 5 year old with ASD has a meltdown in Target while taking only left turns with the cart. And yes, I am bat-shit crazy like all the rest of you mothers.

    : )

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  15. Here. Here. Do you think the reason "Cuervo and Crayons Mommy" can't take a little gentle individuality from her typically developing child is that alcoholics don't really have threshold of tolerance for things. Any. Things. There are people who crack a joke about some wine and those who choose alcohol as part of their identity. What used to be red flag behavior has become an entitlement for someone who has put in a light day's work. It is so not funny to me the potential for a child to be in danger due to a mom being "only a little relaxed". I think my mom would agree, there were times I was that child.

    OK, I think my girls might both be sniffers.

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  16. Greetings! I’m visiting from the Blog Frog Mom Loop Community Comment Follow and I'm glad that I did. I can see right off that I will be exposed to a world I never knew of . . . and I will be entertained every step of the way.

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  17. Hi, Lynn. Now I've found you through your finding me. Thanks for the kind comment on my blog. I love how the Autism Moms are all connecting up by leapfrogging through the bloggosphere. I really like your thoughts and ideas and look forward to coming back to visit again soon. p.s. love the image you chose to represent the hair-on-fire mother.

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  18. Who decided crazy was bad, anyway? It works for me!

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  19. Maybe I'll morph this site into a Heat Miser fan club. Like I told J, I've been laying in wait for an excuse to use a Heat Miser picture and this one seems as good as any. Buh-duh-buh-buh-buuuuuuuuuh-buh.

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  20. I had a little boy pull a handful of turd out of his drawers in the Church Nursery and proudly smile as he showed it to me. Ahhh!!!
    Yeah, no wonder there are so many terms for crazy.

    :-)

    LOL!

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  21. lol. Your writing style reminds me of myself. :) Can't wait to read more. :)

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  22. reading over your past posts: thsi one is hilarious and true.

    incidentally i just read a book w/the boy having autism and in their family they could only make right hand turns while driving...lol.

    but the blogs that show only perfect ppl and children drive me more crazy than the crazy blogs

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