Friday, July 16, 2010

Meet Lauren

I've mentioned Lauren a lot on my blog.  She is a member of Audrey's home ABA therapy team and has been working with Audrey for over 2 years now.  She has been Audrey's aid for her ballet lessons, summer camp, and is her favorite texting partner.

Here's everything that you need to know about Lauren:

When I put my fake-my-own-death plan into motion, she will be the one finding Audrey on her doorstep in a 4-ft long Moses basket since I missed my window to drop her off at the fire station by 6 years, 2 months, and 12 days.

She does this crazy hard smile and head tilt thing (see it's right there ^) in every photo of her that is so cheesy even Audrey mocks it.

Audrey mocking Lauren in a jumpy house

Audrey mocking Lauren in the ER

Lauren is a good, church-going Christian who has refused to come over to the dark side even after listening to my profanity-laced gossip and even after I forced her to pull Sunday morning therapy sessions for 2 years.

She and her 3 sisters are X-treme Couponers.  You know, those ones that you've seen on the news that check out with 3 cartloads of groceries and somehow the store owes them money.  Lauren gets up at 2:00am every year to shop on Black Friday.  I stay in bed and give her my shopping list.

For Audrey's 5th birthday, I wasn't in the mood for a party so Lauren organized one for Audrey and two typically-developing peers that we have regular playdates with.
 Gift bags and mountains of stuff to fill them with courtesy of Lauren

Lauren comes from a great family who were amongst the earliest followers of this blog.  To this day, there are more members of her family than mine who follow.  God, my family sucks.  Her boyfriend Joe's porn name is Bear Cumnor.  He's not really a porn star, I just mean the pet/street thing.  I know, enough already.  But that is a pretty good one.

OK, so that's probably not everything...I'm sure that I'm forgetting a lot.  The most important thing is that I'm so glad that she is in our life and a part of our family, and that I wasn't deterred all those many moons ago by the stoner-sounding out-going message on her cell phone and the fact that she didn't call me back for like 2 weeks (but really...what the hell?).  Audrey adores her like the sibling that she will never have and the spare mother that she needs when her real one won't come out from under the porch.  Thanks for everything Lauren!


  1. Wow, you're so lucky to have a good behaviorist! So many of them can be awful. My daughter has been blessed by good ones too-but none for 2 years! Wow!

  2. Awww.. Lauren is the best. Although, seriously Lauren when will you learn to take a picture without the head tilt!

  3. God Bless Lauren, the future Mrs. Bear Cumnor.

  4. j*: Lauren is one lucky lucky girl.

  5. I already love Lauren. I also love Laura, who shadowed Little Bird this year in school and I get teary every time I see her. My other love is Sarah, the play tutor. We've just booked a trip and Sarah's coming with us. She is getting her masters in speech. I keep trying to tell her that education is bullshit so she'll just take care of LB forever. Please let Lauren know that should she ever want to move to Michigan, there's a nice Jewish family who also likes coupons :)

    Also, I'd like to take this opportunity to reveal my husband's porn name... Punky Vista De Oro. Exotic, right? "The adventures of Swopey Redwing and Punky Vista De Oro". What do you think?

  6. Dani: Between me, our ABA consultant (who Lauren nannies for on the side), her three sisters, and her mother, she is constantly being lobbied to never get married or have children of her own. How selfish would that be to the rest of us that depend on her? Lauren is in school as well...we do our best to sabotage that by screwing her around with our scheduling demands.

    Ooooh, me likey Punky. Get to work on that graphic novel.

  7. If the head tilt works, keep it! Remember the "eyebrow raise" phase we all went through?! And yes, Lynn, she is the best; she will do anything for anyone in the spirit of love and helping. I love the biography on one of the greatest blessings in my life.

  8. Mindi & Beth are two of Lauren's sisters...and I'm sure that there is MUCH more that they could add to my very mini-tribute.

  9. Mindi, I forgot about the eyebrow raise! December is one of my favorite months because Mr. Bear Cumnor (Joe) is in Florida and I get extra Lauren time. Time with Lauren is bleepin golden and I dont give it up for nothing!

  10. And who doesn't believe that angels (even ones with porn-named boyfriends) don't walk the earth. I don't know who is more blessed - Audrey, you or Lauren.
    I gasped when I saw Audrey in her pink tulle 5th birthday dress. In one of my communities on line I posted a story about my pink tulle dress that I wore as a Jr. bridesmaid for my sister's wedding. Don't lose it (?) like my mom did. Save it for her.

    So, what's the down-low on porn names? I think I want one too. It's just a name right?

  11. Just a side note - If you put all your blog posts into a book, don't you think it mean so much to other mothers with special needs children? Think well on that. Your writings are amazing. They has all the ingredients for a hit.
    laughter, tears, courage and all that. And now there is sex (porn names).
    BTW, I forgot to mention in my last comment that I am taking your staging my own death very seriously.
    Can you lend me the plan. :) Where would you hide out?

  12. Glad you came out from under the porch to write this ~ very funny! And, all of our children need a guardian angel! She sounds great!

  13. What a sweet tribute to someone who means so much to your and Audrey's life. It really does take a village sometimes to raise a kid, and in this case, your village sounds awesome!

  14. Lauren sounds amazing and so well loved

  15. Hello. Your tweet about this post was so funny, I had to come say hi. I have a Lauren in my life, though she is a music therapist and to the best of my knowledge does not tilt her head in photos or raise her eyebrows.

    Audrey is beyond adorable.

    I am an unwilling draftee into the cerebral palsy autism though, like you, I manage to see the light side. Er, usually. Except when I'm making people cry.

    See ya.

  16. Your witty posts always make me smile b/c even through all your sarcasm, you can still see your huge heart :) (And I completely mean that as a compliment) Your lucky daughter has a wonderful mother and a wonderful Lauren...too cute!

  17. What a great post, and I envy your ability to have someone such as Lauren in Audrey's (and your) life.

  18. We should all be so lucky to have a Lauren in our lives. Your daughter looks like a real charmer.

    Thanks for stopping by via SITS.

  19. Lauren kicks ass!

    Love the porn star name... keep doing it, cracks me up every time.

  20. How awesome to have someone like her to work with your daughter! Hope you are having a great weekend!

  21. I am so glad you have an angel in your life! A good friend of mine over here in Ireland coined the phrase "angel" or "teen angel" when referring to the people we get to help us under a home help scheme here in Ireland. We no longer get this as WiBoy atttends a mainstream school. But the teen angels we had were fantastic ...and your Angel Lauren sounds fantastic too!

    I have a huge interest in dance and Musical theatre. I choreograph our local panto but apart form that I am a real advocate of special needs students being included in Dance classes and stage schools/performing Arts etc. In fact I wrote a post about it a little while ago (based on a recent UK TV show): "Young, Autistic, Stagestruck and....Excluded".

    In that post I gave ideas as to how children on the Autistic Spectrum could be accomodated in such classes. One of the suggestions was to have someone accompany the child..... just like your Lauren.

    I am SO glad that your child gets to attend ballet classes. Well done Lauren, Audrey.....and you!

    xx Jazzy

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