Thursday, July 29, 2010

Special Dispensation

A few weeks ago I posted about Audrey's new school transportation situation.  Her new driver refused to take my advice about a better route that I knew could significantly trim her nearly one-hour commute, and eventually I had to escalate the issue to her manager.

The day after I spoke to the manager, Audrey did indeed arrive home earlier.  But now I had to deal with the attitude of the driver, who was clearly pissed off that I had gone over her head.  She was seriously obnoxious and came at me with, "Well, today wasn't a good example because it's their early day.  And we're only 5 minutes earlier anyway.  Just 5 minutes!  5 minutes!"  She was still yelling "5 minutes!" out of her window and madly gesticulating at me with her outstretched digits as I skedaddled it into the house. 

I was a little rattled from the confrontation, but after a few minutes are started getting really angry.  What kind of a person would do such a thing?  This person is clearly aware that I have a child with special needs.  She knows that Audrey has autism.  Did it ever cross her mind that maybe she should perhaps CLIMB OFF MY FUCKING ASS BECAUSE I'VE ALREADY GOT ENOUGH STRESS IN MY FUCKING LIFE WITHOUT GETTING YELLED AT BY A FUCKING BUS DRIVER, YOU SOUL-LESS HEARTLESS SPAWN OF SATAN?????

Do you ever feel like that?  No?  Just me?  OK.  Never mind. 

Maybe it makes me a primadonna, but sometimes I feel that we special needs parents should get special dispensation from some of the douchebaggery out there.  It's one thing to get randomly flipped off while I'm driving -- that person couldn't possibly know that I am a special needs parent and clearly just likes to crap on all of his fellow citizens with impunity.  But it's another thing to know about my situation and still do so.

How far should we take this special dispensation?  Well, I've never gotten pulled over for speeding while Audrey was in the car with me, but if I ever did I picture me pointing into the backseat and saying "SHE'S AUTISTIC!" and getting off immediately.  Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.  C'mon, throw me a frickin' bone people.

I know one time for sure that I will be throwing down the big Autism Card and HARD...if I ever get audited by the IRS.  Can you say "medical expense deduction"?  It's not hard for us to get over the whatever-the-hell percent over that whoozie-whatzie income number, and once we do, I load that pig up with everything I've got.  You want to argue with me, bean-counter boy?  You want to take on the mother of an autistic child who we pour all of our income into for therapies that our insurance won't cover?  I will fuck you up.

I'm going to jail, aren't I?

26 comments:

  1. u r marvelous
    i am dead tired( guests tmrw) and sitting with my weightwatchers bar to get a little rest in - and u totally put a smile on my face

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  2. Okay, friend-to-friend, just take out that wee part about the IRS. Just that little bit. Call them something else. Anything else.

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  3. Ah, yes, the bus driver. One time I was struggling to get my son onto the bus, carrying him as he kicked and hollered. He broke loose and ran for the house. Just as I grabbed him the driver slammed the doors shut and sped off, leaving me standing there with my son and my mouth dropped open. She later said we were making her late. But I was SUPER PISSED OFF. Needless to say, it didn't happen again. Anyways, I get that feeling, too...that I have two boys with Aspergers and already have a tough enough time, so why should I get extra crap from people who KNOW about it.

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  4. I once used the autism card in the carpool line at my older son's school. It worked, by the way. I have found that crying hysterically works sometimes, too.

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  5. My Son Has Autism, he is now 22 by the Grace of God and the blessings of a Good Job up until last year, We did not need any help with him. You are a Blessed Mom and Yes I have said the same many many times, so if you go to Jail let me know, I will Bail you out.
    BTW I love this post!

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  6. I used it with the cops once. My son was having the meltdown from HELL and it was late at night so I took him in the car, went to a supermarket, got him something that would calm him down, and got back in the car. And forgot to put my lights on. And was driving on a learner's permit without a licensed driver. But I told him the truth. That he was autistic, freaking out, excessively, losing his mind (and he was still a bit whingy and making noises -- he's non verbal), and that I just had to get him out for everyone's sake. And I did not get a ticket for the lights, nor the driving without a license or on a permit or whatever.

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  7. Really funny post! I get what you mean. When we went to Disneyland, we were able to get a line-cutter pass at Disneyland because of my daughter's autism. For most rides, we only had to wait about 10 minutes to get on, which was fabulous. I felt guilty doing this, but my husband assured me that it's better for everyone if our daughter isn't tantrumming. Also, he pointed out that we deserve it for putting up with the things that we do! I'm not sure I bought into that logic 100 percent, but I do get it!

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  8. They should give you a special badge when your child is diagnosed - then you can flash it to all the idiots who give you crap and they can lay the f*** off. "Sorry for speeding officer, here's my license and my Autism badge." And the officer would look and wave you off. Sorry the bus driver was a jerk, there are some really special (not good-special) people out there.

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  9. hells yeah!! I think we should all have an Autism Card that gets us discounts, special treatment, and whatever else....

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  10. I cannot believe that the bus driver would act that way. It's saving her time, too!

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  11. Yes I feel that way ALOT!! This is how I deal: (ok, I may be a terrible person but…) when I get the looks or the comments about "controlling my kid", in my most pitiful way, I say "he's autistic". I wait for them to feel guilty or apologize and then I lay into them, hard. Usually with something like "next time help a mom out you judgmental slut". I always feel totally better! I know it’s over the top but so is my autistic life. And if there is a jail for us it better be padded and have GREAT concierge service!

    Jessica in Colorado

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  12. I'd pull the card if I was you! Anytime and Anyplace! Autism is a tough thing to deal with! And for you - unlike some illnesses and "things" in life...autism doesn't have an "end" in sight. So you know you aren't going to have a "break" anytime soon.

    Me - I pull the "recently divorced" card a lot these days. Surprising what you can get out of when you tell how your ex husband left you for some chick he worked with...yep..major sympathy card there!

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  13. This is an awesome post, really. I could so use some of your attitude sometimes...although I think I might be too scared to actually, you know, use it!

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  14. To my favorite blogger: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

    I check for new posts multiple times per day, always enjoy reading your posts, and have even considered making www.autismarmymom.com my homepage.
    Lynn, you're an excellent writer and mother. Enjoy yourself today :)

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  15. I'm with you, that bus driver is a heartless B**ch!

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  16. Great! I totally agree. Where do we pick up our passes??

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  17. oh my what a spawn of satan! LOl and yeah my gosh what is her problem.

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  18. Great post. Your idea about "using" your predicament to get out of speeding tickets and the like has crossed my mind more than once. I say, life is hard enough when you are raising special needs kid(s). Use everything you have to make your life easier and better.

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  19. I just found your blog by following TeachingTheBoy's link (got to hand it to the home schoolers out there, you go girl!). Although our situations are not funny, I have to say that I am laughing and very much enjoy reading your blog and this is as far back as I have gotten so far. I have some catching up to do. I really enjoy your writting style and will be back!

    Kimberly in Tenneessee

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  20. LOL, apparently just after I wrote the comment above, my husband used his "Autism card" to get out of a ticket for rolling through a stop sign. He was late for ABA Therapy, LOL. As soon as the words "my son has Autism and we are late for a therapy appointment" came out of his mouth, the cop looked in the back seat and let him go.....nice.

    Kimberly in Tennessee

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  21. @Kimberly: I'm so glad to see that it really works! I'm actually shocked that I haven't gotten pulled over while Audrey has been in the car with me, because, like your husband, I am always running late for her therapies, etc. So awesome!

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  22. That Big Daddy dude is brilliant. I see bright things in the future for this guy. Oh, btw, Happy Birthday.

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  23. We are pretty lucky with the bus driver... For the past year and a half we have had the same one going to school in the morning and we got him coming home this year too... My daughter's bus matron was changed and THAT caused drama in the beginning of the year... knock down drag out meltdowns (she's going to be 3 in March)... And education on low tone had to occur as well. Other than that she was perfectly lovely.

    Personally I think that dispensation should apply to a lot of things. Like the verbal bitch slaps I may have to give somebody when they say something so ridiculous that it makes me grind my teeth down to nubs. I don't have the savings to pay for the dental work. But seriously. I am generally nice. I think. Maybe.

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  24. @Melissa: For me it seems to work like this: when I get someone I like there seems to be constant turnover and they never stick around, when I hate them, they have perfect attendance and never move on. Yes, my Special Dispensation Pass applies to any and all bitch slaps handed out by us.

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  25. Do you think it's a good idea to blog about how you plan to fool the IRS? And provide links to it months later from more recent blogs? Great work, by the way.

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