I received an email yesterday from one of the autism sites that I subscribe to...it was offering a free pdf that you could print out to make cards (see above) to pass out to people when your autistic child is doing whatever it is they are doing to make them stare at him/her.
There is a lot of stuff like this out there -- tags, buttons, zipper pulls, t-shirts -- that identifies your child as autistic, because....why? Because otherwise they might be mistaken for someone who just doesn't give shit what you think? Because otherwise a police officer might beat her with a Paddy whacker if she doesn't listen when he tells her to stop disturbing the peace with her incessant arm pumping? I'll take my chances.
I can't imagine handing out cards to strangers at the mall, no matter how blatantly they are staring at Audrey. Just wordlessly walking over to them, handing them a card, and skulking back to my bench in the play area. How pitiful is that? Poor little girl is not only autistic but she has a mute for a mother.
I think it would be much better to have Audrey hand out cards. So here's another Top 10 list...Top 10 options for pre-printed "bidness" cards for Audrey to hand out to strangers in public:
10) Person with autism. Give me money for my therapy fund or I will eat your children.
9) Here's a card for douchebag. Here's a card for an a-hooooole. C'mon, am I the only one who saw Kanye on the VMA's last night? Uh uh...go Kan, go Kan!
8) Yeah, I have autism, but why do I have to obey the commands of complete strangers when all of the typical kids are taught that they should not do exactly that?
7) Will dance for absolutely nothing in return.
6) Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer. Oh yeah, I totally cut you low.
5) Feel free to smile and say hi to me. Or not. I won't notice either way.
4) Please don't offer to help my mother. If you do, she will make a far bigger spectacle than I am making right now.
3) Yeah, I got mad dance moves...jealous?
2) If you ever went to college, I'm sure you've done far worse in public than this.
And the #1 option for Audrey's calling cards:
1) Call the police. I've been abducted by the crazy lady over there who's rocking and singing some whacked-out lyrics to "Love Me Tender".