Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Little Pet Shop of Horrors

Audrey is obsessed with the pet store lately.  Hmmm...wonder how that happened.  I'm looking at you Lauren.  I took my eye off the ball for a second, and the next thing I knew we had a goldfish, a fancy tank, and all of the accessories necessary to keep it alive.  None of which I have used, but somehow it persists in living.

We all know that goldfish are just gateway pets.  Next thing you know you've got a hermit crab, a hamster, then a guinea pig or rabbit, and so on all the way up to the big dog...a dog.  Or a cat.  Audrey would take either, and in fact told her teachers last week that we were coming home from the pet store with one of each.  I don't know where she got that idea.

I'm not a big animal lover.  They kinda gross me out.  That whole "their mouths are cleaner than humans" is easily debunked with a trip to the pet store.  I personally witnessed almost all of the animals with their mouths somewhere that mine's never been.  But even my cold, dead heart felt just a little bit bad for these doggies kept in captivity.  Just not bad enough to take one of them home.

Wanton butt-sniffing
Because I know you just thought
to yourself "You know what I'd like?  I'd
really like to see more butt-sniffing





Dog fight!  Please no wagering.
Why I oughta.....

Every email that I ever get from Aunt Carol  (hi Aunt Carol!)

I'm pretty sure she wasn't
supposed to be doing that.

In my desperation to get out of the store, I told Audrey that she should ask Santa Claus for a pet.  I don't suppose that she'll forget that between now and Christmas.  Now I have to decide just how badly I don't want a pet.  Bad enough that on Christmas morning I'll tell her that Santa must not have thought that she was a good enough girl? 

25 comments:

  1. I miss my kitties. I have been begging Greg to go back on his nose spray, allergy pills, and asthma inhalers so I can get another one. He said only if it's hairless. But I don't think I could handle one of those freaky looking cats.

    I want you to get an animal just so we can laugh at whatever you name it!

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  2. i'm not an animal person either Lynn- I'm always scared to admit that- it's like saying you don't like baseball or apple pie or whatever mainstream media claims is "all-american"....

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  3. @Dani: Audrey claims that the cat would be either Justine, Bianca, or Cookie. And that the dog would be Emma. I know, way too normal. Frankly, I'm disappointed in her.

    @Heather: I know! Even when I tell people that Audrey was gored on her face by a dog, it's still not an acceptable reason. The whole world's gone mad...

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  4. Lol, I used to take Georgia to the pet store, but she was always freaked out by the rodent section - she would hide behind my legs and say No until we moved on to the fish section. I'm comforted by this, and am trying to encourage this behavior so we can avoid the whole Hamster/Mouse/Rat/Guinea Pig stage. I think a fish is enough, pets are too much work.

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  5. People assume that as I'm vegetarian I must be an animal lover. I'm not. I don't want things in my house that (a) lick their personal bits or (b) fall over whilst attempting to lick their personal bits (though the latter is quite funny, I'll admit)

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  6. I'm not a fan of my dog. Have questionable feelings about living things in general.

    Al says we're getting a puppy while Olive is still alive. I informed him that this would have to happen AFTER the divorce is final.

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  7. again you have me laughing.

    I used to like animals...then I had kids. Now I can't stand the thought of ever having a pet. My mom has a cat and had a dog. the cat HISSES at the kids and I fantasize about doing awful things to it...sorry cat lovers, I just do. the dog smelled like poop all the time and nipped at the kids when the kids came in the room....it just died (thank god).

    now I will probably get hate comments but I just can't take pets.

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  8. Of course Audrey isn't going to forget you said that! That girl is smart! She's going to hang onto that for the next few months. Yikes! You better decide between a dog or a cat! LOL

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  9. As someone infected with 3 cats, a dog and enough marine life to start my own sushi restaurant, I implore you not to open that door. Tell Audrey that Santa got ringworm or rabies or whatever. Just don't give in.

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  10. Our cat passed away six weeks ago and I swore on that day that there would be no more pets until my children could deal with the animal's bathroom issues. First of all, they kinda need to learn to deal with their own bathroom issues.

    How's the whole fish thing going? Billy is obsessed, and so far he's cool with the imaginary tank on his iPad, but I have a feeling that it won't be long before we're making another trip to PetSmart.

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  11. Stick to your guns Lynn! Someday a pet will probably fall into your lap. I never wanted a pet. Always told my husband that was a deal-breaker. Then we inherited a puppy from an irresponsible relative who purchased one just before being admitted to drug rehab. (We lucked out, the dog is awesome...for a dog) Our other irresponsible relatives decided to give my kids an expensive aquarium for xmas last year. I exchanged it at PetSmart for dog food. The "puppy" is now 109lbs!

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  12. Lynn, it's ok to say "no". I know Audrey has special needs, but you are the one dealing with it and everything that goes with it. She's not. You are going to have to watch her like a hawk when it comes to animals, especially the little ones. If you get a dog, that's just ONE more "child" to deal with. If you get a cat, what if it scratches her? What would her reaction be? Pets aren't for everyone. I think keeping her in the musical direction is more beneficial. And less stressful for you.

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  13. You done stepped in it now! You are totally getting a pet! Sucks for you! I am soooooo not an animal person either. There will be no pets in this house. I repeat, no pets.

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  14. My sibling has always said he does not have a cactus because it is too much trouble.

    I'm sympathetic but bringing Santa into the web probably will not help you stay petless.

    I saw a faux aquarium with faux jelly fish the other day.

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  15. "We all know that goldfish are just gateway pets."

    Too funny. Good luck getting out of that Santa situation. I'm Michael, author of "A Daddy Blog" at adaddyblog.com. I'm dropping by from Mom Loop. I have discovered so many great new blogs on there and it's nice to find yours. Hope you have a great Friday and weekend!

    p.s. I'm following you on Twitter, Networked Blogs and Google Friend Connect. Makes me sound like a stalker. Hmmm.
    p.p.s. I'm doing a Dr. Seuss book giveaway. Would you enter it in a box? Would you enter it with a fox?

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  16. I broke down and let my youngest son get a dog when he was in 6th grade. She's always been an "outside" dog. I don't want hair and slobber and such in my home (I'm a bit of a clean freak.)

    My son is 21 now and has been out of the house since he turned 18. Guess who has the dog? That's right! My husband and I. And we're stuck with her until she dies because we've become attached.

    REALLY weigh things out before you get a pet. That's my advice.

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  17. AHHHH NO! Tell her Santa is keeping all the pets for himself because he is a selfish bastard..tell her she has to place her order five years in advance...tell her anything..don't do it..I opened my home to three dogs and a cat...The cat is cool..but looking forward to the day those dogs decide to walk over the famous "rainbow bridge"

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  18. Just tell her Santa must be developing dementia. I mean he is 500 years old. At some point his memory has got to go.

    I keep hoping the doctor says Max is allergic to our cat so we can give her away guilt free. She's a huge bitch.

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  19. I gotta say that I thought I was really stepping in it with this post...seems like the majority of people out there are pet-crazed and I thought that I'd get shellacked. So either like attracts like (even in the blogosphere) or everyone is fronting out there and are really closet haters.

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  20. It's a serious arm wrestle between this entry and the Halloween one as to which made me laugh out loud and cry because I was laughing so hard! Thanks for the levity - it was much needed and always appreciated!! You are beyond witty and clever!!!

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  21. P.S. Sammy is on the auction block, should you be interested in owning a parrot. ;-)

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  22. @KAK: I'm going to pass on Sammy...and no fair working on Audrey behind my back!

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  23. Hi there! I am your newest follower!!! I found you on the Sunday linky!! I love finding new blogs and your is lovely:)
    You can find me at www.bouffeebambini.blogspot.com

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  24. Oh I love animals and pets but I completely understand not getting one. It is a 10 year (and maybe 20 for cats) minimum commitment, lots of extra work, germs and fleas, poop pee and barf, vet bills, smells, baths and grooming, food costs, and when the kid leaves the parent gets the pets. We just finally lost our last pet two weeks ago. No more pets!!!!

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  25. @OZMO: So far, I have not succumbed and you have only validated my feeling on pets! My condolences (?) on losing your last one...

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