Friday, September 10, 2010

Things That I Am Not

I realize that I have been remiss in not accepting a blogger award that was bestowed upon me weeks ago by Dani at I'm Just That Way and That's Just Me

Dani accepted the award by listing 5 things that she is not...just to shake things up from the usual "tell us about yourself".  I was reminded of her list this week when I realized one big whopping thing that I am not (I'll get back to you on the other 4).

I am not a risk taker.

See, I was gonna enter this essay contest over at Real Simple magazine.  It's called the Life Lessons Contest and you have to write an essay finishing the sentence, "I never thought I'd..."  Easy peasy, right?  I can wring a few more drops out of the old autism crying towel with both eyes crossed and one hand up my....wait, what? 
Have you ever taken a huge, surprising risk? Did you climb a mountain? Go back to school? Get married (again)? Tell us about it: Enter Real Simple’s Third-Annual Life Lessons Essay Contest.
Oh, snap.  They're talking about doing something that you never thought you'd do by choice.  As you can see from the title of my blog, I've been an unwilling participant in my current gambit.  Sure, I never thought I'd be where I am today, but not because I rolled the dice.

Hmmm...there must be something I could write about.  Let's see if their examples jog anything for me.  Climbed a mountain?  Yeah, I did an 11,000-footer in California.  I cried for the last 2,000 feet.  Or five hours if you want to put it in those terms.  "I CAN'T DO-OO-OO IT.  DON'T MAKE ME DO-OO-OO IT.  OH GOD TAKE ME NOW-OH-OH."  Then we attempted Mount Shasta (14K) and I got the AMS at 10,000 feet.  Acute Mountain Sickness.  I was flat on my back and I'm told that I woke the entire camp in the middle of the night screaming bloody murder.  I don't remember anything after I sharted my North Face thermals with the five Chocolate Buzz energy shots that it took to get me that high.    

Go back to school?  Dude, I barely made it through the first time without having a nervous breakdown.
Get married again?  See above.

I'd have to dig deep to come up with something on this topic.  Well, there was that one time when I took a chance on using an expired Dunkin' Donuts coupon.  And they let me too.  Man, when I think of what could have happened.  They could have totally....made me pay full price.  Swish!  Yeah, I could definitely get 1,500 words out of that.

Don't let my awesomeness deter you from entering the contest yourself.  C'mon, who's in?


  1. I would have nothing to write about on that topic either - I hate risk-taking. But the Dunkin Donuts coupon story IS pretty risky - I don't know if I could have done it, but a discount on coffee is pretty tempting!

  2. But wait, didn't you become a mom by choice? Out of a sense of adventure?? That biological clock bonging wildly in your ears?? (For me it was a complete surprise. *batts eyes*) But you went into this with your eyes open, right? Because being a mom is easy-peasy, isn't it? 8D Aw, maybe you're right. I guess you'll just have to take those step-dancing lessons you've been avoiding, to give you something to write about. ;)

  3. @Wendi: I should have included this...from their FAQ:

    "Try writing on a less-expected subject. Many submissions cover similar ground: pregnancies, weddings, divorces, illnesses. Many of these essays are superb. But you automatically stand out if you explore a more unconventional event."

    Yeah, having a kid is totally conventional and BO-RING.

  4. Love it Lynn!! And you've just reminded me... I got two awards from you recently and I didn't follow through on the tag. Oops... I am sorry because I really was thrilled to receive them, I'll get to it. soon.... but I am a procrastinator. just so you know!

    xx jazzy

  5. OOOOHHHH, I know how you can do this and wring a few last tear drops out of the autism towel:

    "I never thought I would.... write a successful blog about my life as an ungraceful, unhinged, and unwilling draftee into the autism army."

    Whatca think!?

  6. Wow, I'm such not a risk taker! I think if they had a poll for most boring person in the world, I'd have a great shot at that title!

    I don't think I've taken a single risk. Ever. Maybe that's something to add to my bucket list.

  7. In the supermarket I once took a basket with 11 items to the "10 items or less" checkout. And you wouldn't believe how anxious that made me. I guess I'm not a risk taker either.

  8. I love your writing style. You should have entered and won.

    Stopping from Mom Loop!

  9. @jazzy: no worries...don't feel like you have to do anything!

    @Pia: I like the self-promotion angle.

    @bbsmum: Wow. You've totally trumped my coupon story!

    @jdaniel4's mom: It's not too late...deadline is September 24.

  10. Take a chance - enter the contest. I did. But I am postitively not risk adverse and I have the scars to prove it. I love your sense of humor and writing style. You could easily win the Real Simple contest. Um . . . on second thought, maybe you shouldn't enter the contest. I already spent the prize money and don't want any competition.

  11. There are a few things that were actually just blind stupidity that I could pass off as risk taking. Like buying a sail boat in Muskegon,MI and sailing it across lake Michigan to Kenosha,WI with my husband with no sailing experience between the two of us at all. But it's the "putting the experience into an interesting, well written essay part" that I'd struggle with. Do you think they would just accept the video footage of us cussing and yelling at each other on the boat?

  12. So that just brings us back to the step-dancing. *sigh* Now where did I leave those clogs?? ;) Yeeeehaaww!

  13. I was gonna make some stupid joke about the risks involved with taking our kids anywhere ... but it's true. You never pat yourself on the back but the fact of the matter is, you are a real inspiration. You don't sit in a sheltered cocoon; you get your daughter out in the world, involved in camp, piano lessons, dance. And you should know that there are a lot of parents of autistic kids out there who read your blog and think to themselves, "OK, I'm gonna take my kid to the museum." or "Let's try gymnastics...It may be a success; or it may be hilarious." You've show them that either result is OK each and every time you take a risk.

  14. PLEASE tell me you entered! You can totally win this.

  15. I thought about entering too. Unfortunately, last year's runner up was a mom with a special needs child, so you know they aren't going to go for that again ;) You might just be able to swing it though.