Sunday, September 12, 2010

Warning: Don't Read While Eating

This beautiful Sunday morning was greeted at 4:00am in this household by Audrey puking all over my bed.  Just how old does a kid have to be before they trot their sorry, nauseous ass into the bathroom to puke?    I would accept just about any receptacle in the bathroom:  toilet, sink, bathtub, garbage can, shower stall.  Even hurling onto the tiled floor would be a vast improvement over my bed

Audrey beelines it to my bed as if that is precisely where she is supposed to go.  She does that hand-over-her-mouth-barely-holding-it-in move until she's right over my bed.  Talk about a rude awakening.  Dinner last night was lamb roast and Swiss chard, which actually made for not that gross of a pukefest because:
1) She didn't eat that much of it.  Because it was lamb roast and Swiss chard.
2) When she's not crazy about a meal, she kind of swallows bites without chewing...so it comes up almost exactly as it looked on her plate. 

It's now just past noon and I'm on my 18th load of laundry.  I feel like total shit, but she's running around feeling just swell. And Lauren was awakened to this text, which would seem sort of accusatory if you didn't know Audrey:

"You puked in Lynn Hudobas bed"

19 comments:

  1. I'm glad Audrey's feeling better! Hopefully, she'll learn to run to the bathroom first in the future! The last time my daughter was vomiting, I told her to throw up in the potty. She looked at me like I was insane! LOL

    That text was funny! Audrey's going to be a hoot on twitter!

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  2. Glad the puking was short-lived, albeit pretty gross! Luckily, I've managed to avoid any direct puking - Georgia seems to have a thing for puking on my husband. The text at the end just makes this post.

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  3. Pop on over to my blog! I have something for you!

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  4. Jonathan has no idea how not to puke on me. When he is sick, we take every towel in the house and layer them on top of us. He pukes, strip a layer, and on and on. One gets to be puked on, one gets to do the wash. Even trade.

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  5. oh yes, brian is the type that pukes all over his own bed (I guess I should be thankful for that part) and then just go back to sleep in the puke-covered bed- DISGUSTING!!!

    And yes Audrey's text is the best lol- I love that kid!

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  6. More puke stories please!

    @Pia: I like the division of duties. My husband slept through the whole thing.

    @Heather: I might take that tradeoff...disgusting bed but full night's sleep.

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  7. So Audrey is still having a little trouble with pronouns? I am familiar with the puke in the bed routine. Andrew once added a new twist. He has a bunk bed, so not only did he throw up all over his bed, but also over the side rail with what must have been the force of a fire hose so it splattered all over the carpet, too. Is it amazing that everyone has their own puke stories? I guess we are all saying that we can sympathize with you. Hang in there.

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  8. Anyone else thinking, "Who makes Lamb Roast and Swiss Chard?! What is Swiss Chard anyway?!" :)

    LOVE the text, Audrey!

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  9. @Mindi: My husband that's who! I think Audrey actually ate more of it than I did. You'll have to Google Swiss chard...or make a trip to Whole Foods to check it out. Feel free to give me your cell number if you want in on Audrey's texts.

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  10. The joys of parenting!

    Imagine if she was in a bunk bed and couldn't make it down the ladder in time to even get to the hallway.

    Yeah, fun, ain't it?

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  11. Please add me to Audrey's text list! Since I know you don't puke, it doesn't seem fair that you are puked on! I am being repaid for my puking days - virus and drinking - by my dogs who prefer the carpet to any tiled or wood floor. Your husband...

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  12. SO glad she is feeling better
    LOVE the last line most
    R is worse - he loves to hold me close and puke in my hair - since I have thick waist length hair - it just really SUX

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  13. Guess I know what not to do with the Swiss chard in my front flowerbed, huh?

    I'm imagining her grinning like in your sidebar photo while she typed that text...

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  14. my 12 year old never makes it to the toilet either

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  15. I'm with Mindi. How the hell do you have time to be whipping up gourmet meals? I am glad you got puked on since you think you're better than us for making that kind of dinner!!!

    As for more puke stories, my son once puked all over a pushy saleslady that came to the house and tried to sell us a vacuum. Score!

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  16. Charlie doesn't want to open his mouth when he has to puke. Lips clamped shut. The nose gets involved sometimes. *shudder* Motherhood.

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  17. You know how lucky I am? I have a kid who is UNABLE to throw up. Yep. Owen never has. And Bea? Only a few times.

    That text is pure gold.

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