Saturday, October 16, 2010

But It's OK If I'm Bullying the Bully, Right?

There has been a lot in the news lately about bullying, after a rash of bullying-related suicides.  Audrey has yet to be bullied, but I live in fear of it.  It's something that I've always assumed that we will have to deal with someday.  I had to deal with it as a neurotypical kid, so why would I expect that she'd get off the hook?

When I was Audrey's age, I stood up to a boy 5 years my senior who was mercilessly making fun of my older sister.  His name was Kiki Pessetto and he had a glass eye.  My mother called him "Dead Eye" around the house, so when I called him out on the school bus I said, "You leave my sister alone you Dead Eye!"  Needless to say, I was the one who got in trouble with Rick the bus monitor.  Rick was such a pussy, and had I known that word at the time I'm sure that I would have used it.

The moral of that story is that the Italian half of me sometimes takes over with a vengeance.  Literally.  I have a lot of vengeance fantasies and they are usually not non-violent.  So not only do I live in fear and loathing of the day that anyone bullies Audrey, but really the whole of society should.  Not only was I raised around a bunch of crazy Italians, I also watched a lot of Sopranos.  So in my head I say things like "You go near my daughter again and I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck."  I got more too.  About what I'll do to their dog and their mother.  You get the idea.

But as with most things, reality never matches the fantasy.  Yeah, I'm a big talker.  Here's an example of what usually transpires:

OK, so this wasn't exactly a bullying personal attack on Audrey, but I was still pissed.  But I was too busy consoling Audrey to run down the little assholes to perform the aforementioned beheading and neck-defecation.  Audrey was so rattled that we had to leave the pumpkin farm immediately.  The back story is that she had had a nosebleed in the car on the way there.  These always freak her out, and she had just stopped obsessively checking her nose when they clocked her right on it.

In my defense, I had successfully tormented some other kids earlier in the day.  I love to torment kids.  I get this from my mother.  We were standing in line for one of those giant, blowup slides.  I have to wait in line with Audrey or else she will either cut to the head of the line or stand there and let everyone else cut in front of her.  One kid and his friend cut in front of us.  I called out the one kid and sent him packing, but the other kid wouldn't budge.

Me (as I'm constantly poking him in the back and head):  "Hey you cut don't cut no cuts why'd you cut go to the back get outta here no cuts go back and see your friend git scram..."
Kid:  "I didn't cut!"
Girl who works there as line tender: "Yeah, you did."

During this scene, I turn around to see an ASD kid that Audrey went to preschool with and his two parents.  I hadn't seen them in like a year, and they were laughing their heads off at me and giving me the thumbs up.  Yeah, we gotta stick up for each other in this Army.


  1. I'm worried about bullies too! I want to teach my daughter skills to deal with them, but that seems unlikely--at least in the near-term.

  2. awww that video made me sad- I don't usually get that feeling on your blog!

  3. I had a comment ready to post but I thought better of it because what I was offering to do to those two brats really wasn't nice and probably isn't the best use of a ton of horse manure : (

  4. Wow, they practically mowed her down. I'm right there with you, I'm all about defending and protecting my boys. If some little kids get admonished in the process, so be it. I'm not standing around while any kids bully or hurt my sons. If their mothers don't like it, they can come see me about it.

  5. You may have heard about the dad here in Florida arrested recently for charging on to a school bus and going after the kids that were bullying his daughter -- who had cerebral palsy. He had apparently complained to school officials repeatedly and nothing was done.

    I was talking about this with a close friend the other day, another mom of an autistic boy, and we have a pact: If one of us has to go to the big house for assaulting bullies, the other will step up and take care of the other's family in her absence. It'll totally be worth it.

    Ultimately, the dad was only charged with disorderly conduct and "disturbing a school function."

    (I'll show you a "school function" ... mutter, mutter, grr....)

  6. Ok. So your telling kids to "git" and "scram" and you got in a fight with a kid named "Dead Eye" Pessetto. Are you living in an episode of The Little Rascals or Our Gang? Is Audrey on the corner hawking newspapers for a nickel while you run the only speak easy in town? Btw, my way of stopping a bully - show up at shchool in as tank top. One boy who was mildly interested in my daughter last year saw me at field day and refused to talk to her for the rest of the year. Yay tattoos, baldness and hugeness!

  7. @CherylD: By skills, you mean a mean right hook right?

    @Heather: I'm glad you don't usually get that feeling on my blog! I was sad too, but I'd better get thicker skin because we haven't even begun to fight (so to speak).

    @bbsmum: I approve of your vengeful nature.

    @ToughCookieMommy: You have named yourself well!

    @Amanda: I've seen the video of that guy charging on the bus...I see alot of myself in him. I think we all need to be in on that pact of yours.

    @BD: HA! You have your finger on exactly how I was raised. Now shut your piehole before I give you a knuckle sandwich, see?

  8. Ooh, those kind of kids make me crazy. Where are their parents when they're mowing other kids down? Though I never would have guessed it, I've turned out to be THAT mom, you know, the one who's yelling at other people's kids to use the slide the right way at the park, or not to mow my toddler down by being too old for the toddler section of the playground.

  9. I am so anxious my kids will be bullied one day. I was bullied by a true a-hole from 7th-10th grade when I finally stood up to her. I still tense up thinking about the way I felt. I cringe at the thought of anyone being mean to my kids, I will rip their heads off and defecate down their necks, is exactly how I feel. I'd like to slap those kids in the video, that made my stomach hurt to watch that. big daddy autism's comment killed me.

  10. You're awesome. I have grabbed your button, even though I don't swing that way. You'll thank me for it later.

  11. I am cracking up at your retort to BDA. Holy christ.

    I hate that these kids have absolutely no care about whether they're plowing over another kid. No respect. Gah. I mean, we probably did the same shit as kids too. Just too focused on having fun to notice that we've run over some poor kid, smaller than us. But having a special needs kid, you feel so much more over protective. I'm not as protective of my daughter, who is two years younger, than I am of him. I do throw down though, and get all mama bear though, when I need to, and I am FUCKING MEAN. I don't go all hazing, I'm just straight up make the kid cry, mean.

  12. Kids can be brutal with eachother. And it's up to the parents to teach them manners. But I don't think alot of that is going on these days. I really expected those two little girls to stop for a slight moment and just say "sorry" and keep going. At least they had said "sorry" but neither even turned around to see or care. What ashame! You have to teach your kids to stand up for themselves in that respect. I don't think there's any more "sorry" in these days. It's become a dog eat dog world. I would hope some of my Irish was instilled into my kids. Mine had never been bullied (jeez, I hope mine never did the bullying!) that I know of, but I always taught them not to torment others. How would they like it if they were tormented and teased? One can only hope they learned.

  13. Im right out of the movie The Hand that Rocks the Cradle".....the scene where she walks over to the girl at the playground!! I know...the mexican mom in me wants to give the kids a pushing of their own!! I really have to struggle with holding my tongue, but I have been known not too! Especially if they are older kids. As a mom of neurotypical children also, where are the good old fashion manners? I would rip my older kids a new one if they ran and shoved (even on an accident) someone.
    *For the record, when we take the little ones to the park, Dave leaves me in charge of Allbri....I have the balls!!!

  14. Didn't know you were such a bad ass mother. I love it! GA has been bullied by little girls 3 years younger than her.
    So are you for hire? Sopranos style? I got a.......a thing I need you to take care the place.......with the kid.

  15. We were in a department store when Cody was younger and being pushed around in a stroller. A young boy, probably around 8 or 9, kept following us around, staring at Cody. Finally my husband said, "Hey kid. You've got a booger hanging out of your nose." That got rid of him. We never could figure out where his parents were.

    Watching your video made me mad. I empathize with you. Damn brats!

  16. Couldn't you get the video on the evening news with all the attention to bullying these days? I want those kids caught, their parents disgraced, their names released, picked up by Good Morning America and CNN...but I don't opppose the Sopranos version either.

  17. You get 'em Mom! We have to protect our kids!

  18. ohhh.... this is something i worry about so much with my older daughter... she operates in a universe of her own and i fear that some kid will go after her endless roster of quirks one of these days. thankfully we live in a fairly non-traditional community where she fits in well for the moment, and she has a 4 year old sister (named audrey!), a 3 foot tall bottle of chutzpah and whoop ass and would probably beat the lard out of anyone who dared put a finger on her big sister.

  19. I watch that thing 3 times. I'M pissed! Those two little punks didn't even look back. As if the whole plowing into another human being half their size aspect somehow escaped them.

    & I love it - Wait till the next time that dude Googles his own name!

  20. Ah.. poor Audrey. That's awful. Glad she has you to watch her back!

    I used to worry that WiiBoy would be bullied too. And I really worried when he went from the baby yard to the big yard when he was in 2nd class (age7 1/2). I worried for two whole weeks... then he decked someone 2 years older than him who pushed him around a bit! He left the other kid with only one button in his shirt!! I stifled the urge to go YAY! and explained that no...that is not how we do it!! Anger issues were huge then.

    You have "Line Tenders"???!! Wow!

    xx Jazzy

  21. dangit. can't watch video now.

    I LOVE that your mom called that kid 'Dead eye'. She sounds awesome.

  22. Looks like they did not bump you first before ramrodding Audrey. I have no hesitation at correcting children-not-mine. Nicely, of course. ;)

  23. Look, I might only weigh 101 pounds, but I pity the fool that fucks with my kid. I got a nasty mouth and a mean streak!!

  24. I so have your back on this one.My kids are neurotypical but very mild mannered. It used to drive me crazy when they let other kids take their toys, push ahead of them or diss them in general. Now the oldest two are in college and the youngest is a very self-possessed young lady of sixteen and they don't need or want their mother to fight their battles but back in the day I used to make my bloodthirsty Scottish ancestors proud.
    I once made a little boy cry for pushing my 22-month old son away from a slide because the little brute wanted to be the first one to slide down. The kid must have been all of four but to me he was a mean, hulking Big Kid who was bullying my baby.
    Another time I yelled at a child in my younger son's kindergarten class for calling my son "Big Dumb (son's name)" I believe my exact words are, "He's way smarter than you. What kind of an idiot picks on a kid when the kid's mother is standing RUGHT THERE? Huh?" The brat ran home crying and when his mother waddled outside, looking like an angry sasguatch, I let her have it, too.
    Then there was the time I made a gym teacher cry for belittling my daughter for not being able to climd a rope....
    I really sort of miss those angry mom days.

  25. You go Miz Kizzle! I love it! Those are all the things that I want to say that escape me when I'm in the moment.

  26. That really did make me sad. Audrey was so happily skipping along and then wham. I would have gone ape shit. In fact, I want to go into your video and go ape.

    The fact hose girls didn't even say sorry or excuse me says it all. Kids have no respect these days. Wow, I sound really old huh?