Saturday, November 27, 2010

The Polar Express: Do You Believe?

Audrey and I kicked off the Christmas season by taking a ride on the Polar Express.  This is an excursion offered through our park district, and it includes a train ride to...THE NORTH POLE.  Except in reality, it's the North Aurora, IL train station.  Don't tell Audrey cuz I think she was fooled.

On the way to the North Pole, one of Santa's elves read The Polar Express.  The book describes eating "candies with nougat centers as white as snow...and hot chocolate as thick and rich as melted chocolate bars".  We got a stale cookie and a carton of chocolate milk.

Then we arrived at the North Pole train station.  Did you know that the North Pole has a Walter Payton's Roundhouse?  We were greeted by Santa (who everyone knows loves his microbrews and hot wings) and led into the station where a(nother) fat man in a green-and-red sequined vest juggled and rode a unicycle for our viewing pleasure.

Alas, after what seemed like hours before we knew it, it was time to get back on the train and head home.  Santa joined us for the return trip.  He spoke to all the children, Audrey mumbled that she wanted an Olivia Tag book, he pretended to know what the frack she was talking about, told her that he was "checking his list", and moved on to the next petrified kid.

What?  You say you'd really like to see some pictures of our journey?  Well, I'm gonna need you to make some noise to show me that you believe!  C'mon everybody!  Ring!  Those!  Bells!  Clap!  Your!  Hands!  OK, shut it.  Momma's got a ragin' graine.

The trip was very educational.  We learned that the
route to the North Pole runs through burnt out
warehouse districts and a Port-A-Potty drop-off lot.

I couldn't hear a word that she was saying even though she
was standing right in front of me and had a speaker pack on.


Denizens of the North Pole:



Santa always chooses Metra when traveling
to the Chicago area.  Metra:  The only way to fly.

HappyHappyJoyJoy!

30 comments:

  1. Looks like times are tough everywhere. The North Pole used to be such a great neighborhood.

    At least it looks like Audrey had fun!

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  2. So sweet of you to put on the Santa hat, strap on the speaker pack, and read to the kids on the train. However, the shot of you squating on the bench with your stuff in the hand cart didn't capture your best side.

    Even.

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  3. @bigdaddy: And who knew that someone so massive could manage to balance on a unicycle. Nice vest too. Even.

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  4. I vicariously enjoyed the ride with Audrey!

    Amazing what commercialism can produce.

    Barbara

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  5. oh gawd! We manage to avoid the horrible Christmas "wonderlands". I'm more a Scrooge than a Santa kinda gal XXX

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  6. Wow, amazing how you were able to get the true "Polar Express" experience! Glad Audrey had fun; I think Santa gave you some extra brownie points for your effort.

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  7. lol making fun of the guy who took photos of the unicycle man. But weren't there *two* cameras in the crowd?

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  8. @lebelinoz: busted. But I think that guy was actually taking video. And he was in the front row. And he wasn't being ironic.

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  9. My kids would have gone absolutely nuts over all that. Pookie has been known to sing that dang song in his sleep...Just a tad creepy. Glad Audrey had a great time. That smile makes it all worth it, I bet!

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  10. We were thinking of doing the Polar Express here, I guess I should check to see if ours comes with the ghetto tour package too.

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  11. You have just burst my bubble lol, guess I won't be going to your North Pole anytime soon! Jen

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  12. ROFLMAO!!!

    That was good! You're in rare form today!

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  13. Did you pay extra for the ghetto tour? Then again, with all the slave elf labor Santa must need a lot of port-a-potties! And a problem with homelessness too! Wow, Santa has been hit hard by the failing economy!!
    I would have been so tempted to toss obstacles in the way of the juggling unicycle rider....just little hazards to up the danger factor. Then again, I am permanently on the naughty list. At least Audrey was happy, and Santa knows that she wants an Olivia tag reader book :)

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  14. That sounds like so much fun! Audrey has wonderful taste in books!

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  15. Sounds like a lovely start to christmas! I have something similar planned for my two in the next few weeks, I hope there's a unicycle too lol x

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  16. Read ur blog to my folks n g-ma after brunch yesterday morn. (still here. )
    So funny. Pie and coffee coming out of mom and dads nose. Baileys coming out of mine. Grandma didn't get it.

    Husband catches train out of "northpole" 3 days a week! Who knew.
    Was especially thankful for your use of the word "frack" this time. (boy was that a fluke.)

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  17. @Aimee: WTF Grandma? Does your husband recognize any of the bagpeopleImeanelves?

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  18. Metra...pppffft, Santa must have had a few too many and mistook it for the L. Now that's a ride!

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  19. I've successfully avoided our version of the Polar Express train ride thus far, using "Deaf kid can't hear shit on a train" as my excuse.

    Gonna use it again this year!

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  20. Your Polar Express trip is a lot different from my experience. Audrey does look pretty happy, though. The unicycle is a bit much, however. Love that someone thought to video it.

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  21. So jaded, Lynn Bahumbug! I'm a big fan of Santa's, because I am counting on him to get me out of this town for the holidays, he's my last bloody hope.

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  22. Classic! lol At least Audrey enjoyed herself!

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  23. cute last pic.

    I have a friend in Chicago who takes their son on that too.

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  24. Frack. Hehe. I am impressed she answered. Katie would be desperately trying to cram herself into an overhead compartment (do they have those? ) to escape the fat man.

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  25. LMAO. What did your daughter think?!?

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  26. That's hilarious! Sounds like the crappiest trip to the North Pole ever. At least your daughter had a smile on her face. :)
    Stopping by from the StumbleUpon group. Have a great weekend.

    Kristi, Live and Love...Out Loud
    @TweetingMama

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  27. This is too funny...the polar express is coming to our town soon, but I think we just might skip it...

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  28. I didn't know Gollum lived at the North Pole.

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