Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Search Engine Optimization: Attracting the Right Element to Your Blog

Are you ready to get schooled in the art of SEO my SNP's?  You will want to heed my advice, because here are some recent searches that have brought people to my blog:

"naked toddler"  "boy nakedness"  "little kids naked games"  -  Yeah, I got naked toddlers here.  So what?  Who cares?  I know all you anonymizers/pseudonymizers are feeling all smug now and are going to lecture me about all the pervs out there, but Audrey is still safe and sound.  And in my defense, there are NO photos of naked boys or naked kid games on this blog.  I was saving those for the post about our annual No-Pants Christmas Carnival.

"jerseycokewhore"  --  I'm more nervous about this one than the previous one.  It seems that 8 non-Jersey coke whores landed on this very blog as a result of this search.  This comes from the "Is The A-Word is the New R-Word?" post wherein @jerseycokewhore called someone an "autistic bastard ass motherfucker fag" on Twitter.  I wonder if her peeps told her about my post, and it made her feel so bad that she cleaned up her act.  I just checked and her Twitter tag line is still "I'm poor, I'm a whore, and I'm often sore", so I guess not.

On a related note, apparently Kiki Pessetto, the childhood bully that I blogged about here, has not Googled himself lately.  It's only a matter of time before he makes his way here, as my post is the third thing that comes up after his mother and brother's obituaries.  And now this one will be fourth in the search list.  Do your worst, Dead Eye.

"77 year old person pic"  --  Who wants to see that?

"does jenks have autism"  --  From this post about an MTV documentarian who spent the day with a teenager with autism.  Apparently some of our national brain trust think that autism is contagious.

"what are shirley temple's kids doing now"  --  I could easily make fun of this person for having way too much time on their hands...but it sounds like something that I would so search on.  As my regular readers know, I was raised during the Depression and like to keep track of the offspring of my idols.

"autism mom breakdown" -  Ugh.  I hope I was able to help.

20 comments:

  1. @jerseycokewhore stole my tagline! Bitch!!

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  2. What, no "Awesome mom blogger" ?

    You'll get there....

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  3. Most people get to my blog by looking up "poop", "how to give an enema to my ______", or "hot MILF". Ok, I made that last one up.

    You look great in this picture, by the way.

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  4. Must go find out what Shirley Temple's children are doing, right now. Thanks for helping me figure out what to do with the next 30 minutes of my life.

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  5. I just checked my stat searches too last week and I was weirded out by what came up and how ppl came to my blog...

    it honestly made me think twice about everything I put up here.

    but yeah I wish there was a better filter to prevent psychos from coming to my blog.

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  6. lol Dani- love your comment on this blog

    great post Lyn- had me giggling as usual :)

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  7. This is so funny. I just wrote on today's Featured Blogger on SITS (who's giving tips on SEO) that I know nothing about how to do this and as a result I write post titles like "No means NOOOO and I will bite you" that get me grouped with violent rapists and dentists. At least, that's what my husband tells me, cuz I'm too technically illiterate to actually figure that much out.

    I went through a period of writing titles like "ABA Therapy and Autism" but it was just too boring ... and also, I didn't get to meet any Jersey coke whores or violent dentists that way.

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  8. So, Toots, tell me again how I can get jerseycokewhores to my blog?

    Like Dani G, I get a lot MILF searches as well. Kinda disturbing. But flattering nonetheless.

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  9. This weekend some disturbing URLs came up on mine. It ended up being one of those things where I used a benign phrase somewhere that apparently, unbeknowst to me, means something else entirely in the pervy underground. Doncha hate when that happens. Kind of reminded me of a few years ago when Hillary Clinton did something like that in a speech and the audience was like "bahaahaa" and she was all, "whaaaat?".

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  10. I used to get a huge kick out of the Google Search contests that Good Enough Mama used to do (she hasn't posted in ages, alas.) She'd post a huge list of Google searches that brought people to her blog, insert one fake one, and then have people try to guess which. She got some goooood traffic, lemme tell ya!

    On Elvis Sightings, I've had searches wondering whether Baby Einstein causes seizures. Best not be true.

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  11. Evidently there are gay porn stars named Xander and Spencer, so I get visits from some interesting places. It seems I named my boys after some celebrities.

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  12. @BD: Here is my professional SEO advice: Write a blog post with the title "jerseycokewhore".

    @AMR: I don't remember the Hillary story. Now I gotta know.

    @JoyMama: Oh that sounds sublime. Maybe I could take up the mantle and pay her a royalty for the idea.

    @Happy13: My professional SEO advice: change their names pronto! Just kidding. When I named my daughter Audrey Lynn some perv that I worked with let me know that there was a porn star named Audra Lyn like that was really going to be an issue for me.

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  13. Now you know how I found your blog. Except I'm a California Coke Whore.

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  14. The comments here are almost as funny as the post itself. I think you've attracted the right crowd, at least for now. Can't wait to see what this post to your SEO now :)

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  15. I'm ASSuMEing Jerseycokewhore is from New Jersey? Damn, so tired of people giving my home state a bad name!

    Hey, these things make blogging interesting. They come from all walks of life!

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  16. I may have to join you in your SEO meanderings. I had a really weird one yesterday 'Can I give my goldfish disprin?'. Pardon????? Jen

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  17. Fortunately I have no idea how to find out what people type in to get to my blog. It's probably much better that way. Thanks for the laugh---I needed it!

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  18. I never get anything good from my good searches. I guess I have to work on more ridiculous blog titles for better SEO.

    My husband just informed me I've been snorting with laughter while I read this. Thanks for making me look sexy.

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  19. I obviously need to spruce up my topics. Most people that stumble onto my blog just want to know if they can wear make up in their passport photos.

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