Monday, December 13, 2010

The Ghosts of Christmases Past: 2007

Hope this letter finds everyone well!  Sorry about last year's letter :(   Thanks to those of you who participated in the intervention last January.  To those of you that didn't, hopefully this Christmas card doesn't violate the terms of any of the restraining orders out against me.

I've finally found the right balance of meds, and my therapist has me enrolled in an intense bitter management program.  One of the steps in that program is to write a Christmas letter that is profanity-free and focuses on the positive, so here goes.

In May, we relocated back to my hometown of Chicago.  This is positive!  It made me very happy!  We have a beautiful new home in a cute suburb with an awesome school district.  There is absolutely nothing bad that I can say about that!

Audrey started preschool in the fall and we are thrilled with the program.  It is all good, as the kids say!  You can see from the picture that she has really grown up this year.  And if you are noting that her left cheek appears to be a little rosier than the right, it is not all because she had 1/2 of her face chewed off by a Norwegian Elk Hound just before Halloween.  Not at all.  She is flush with the glow of the glorious holiday season that is upon us!  Just more so on one side than the other.

I sincerely hope that nothing bad has happened to any of you during this past year.  Thank you for your consideration.

cc:  Dr. Thaddeus Fink PsyD LCSW LMFT LMHC LCPC

23 comments:

  1. Lithium looks good on you. I'm not quite as terrified of you as I normally am. Too bad about the Norwegian Elk Hound. Probably could've avoided that if you hadn't moved to the arctic circle. Chicago is in the arctic, right?

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  2. Wait, did she really get attacked by a Norwegian Elk Hound?

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  3. @bigdaddyautism and @jillsmo: Yes and Yes.

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  4. One GFC un-follow and you deny us the profanity that mauling so rightly deserves??!! What's next, sarcasm free Wednesdays?

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  5. You're so... um... well adjusted this year.

    She looks adorable in her pic. Sorry about the dog bite, that's awful.

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  6. Wow I didn't know you were capable of such a PC-Christmas letter ;)

    Audrey is still as cute as ever even with that nasty dog bite- poor baby!

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  7. @lebelinoz: She wasn't at all at first, which actually bummed me out because it seemed that the "normal" reaction would be to be terrified of them right? But she really really loves dogs. She will, however, get nervous and run the other way if they come at her too aggressively, so I'm gonna call that normal.

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  8. Hmmm. AFter reading your previous letter, I'm wondering if your meds are right. ;) Stepford....Oh nevermind. I'm completely worse off, and that's why my sick mind went there.

    I hope that this is your real feeling for the year. But not very sincerely. I kinda liked last year bettah.

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  9. This letter scares me way more than the last one. But Audrey could not be any cuter.

    I'm impressed you could get her to sit still and smile for a picture. All our pics have to be taken on the sly, usually while Moe is watching TV.

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  10. Where is my Lynn and what have you done with her??

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  11. Better living through chemistry. Lol Audrey is adorable!

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  12. She is absolutely gorgeous. I think you might need another award certificate for Mommy Surviving Baby's 1st (and LAST) Dog Attack. Unless your prescription counted for that. Speaking of...what is this good stuff and how do I get some?

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  13. Poor Audrey! That attack must have been pretty horrific.

    She's adorable as always though!

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  14. Any Christmas letter that doesn't include the phrase "So suck it" isn't worth getting, IMO. However, my therapist suggests I am a little on the bitter/negative side myself, so I will say "Congratulations on the new you. Positivity is the new black!"

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  15. ...stop it, please...you're frighening me...I need you bitter and twisted or the fabric of existance begins to unravel...

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  16. Ouch on being mauled by a dog - was it a random dog on the street, or one that you knew?
    Her outfit is too cute! I love when people don't use traditional red/white/green for Christmas outfits - hers is definitely Winter/Christmas, but not over the top. Adorable!

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  17. We miss the old (I mean former) Lynn. Audrey looks adorable, as always, flushed cheek and all.

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  18. I wouldn't have noticed the "other cheek" if you didn't mention it.....ok, maybe a little. She's still adorable!

    Not only are we seeing the progression of Audrey as she grows, we're also seeing you come to terms with it through the years as well. Watching Lynn grow....I'm seein' another blog in the making...this one by Audrey.

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  19. Holy crap! Is she scared of dogs now? Did you kill the dog? I would probably freak out and kill it with my bare hands. And if there are any ASPCA freaks reading this comment and ready to start trouble, just don't Just don't bother. We are full up on the arguments right Lynn?

    She still looks so freakin cute in her little blue dress. She is so adorable!

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  20. And may I add fuck and balls, on your behalf. Profanity-free does not suit you. It's like I hardly know you anymore.

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  21. Oh man... a dog bite? Ack.

    But you are so funny.

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  22. @cooperl788: It was my parents' neighbors' dog...they have open back yards. But she had seen and played with the dog before. It was horrific.

    @mommyto2boys: The dog looked ready to start in on me when I ran over to get Audrey. I was obv only concerned w her at that point. The dog was put down without any input from me. I was sorry that I couldn't have been the one to put a 10 cent shotgun shell in his ass.

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