After Audrey was born, I was *fairly* successful at scrubbing the f-word and the s-word out of my vocabulary. Don't ask me why I suddenly cannot spell those words out...I think it's too late for me to worry about being overly crass here. Stop nodding in agreement, asshats.
Anywhooz, I was so proud of myself for shedding those two words that I allowed myself to let fly with all of the other second-tier swear words. Most of those have to do with two-thirds of the Holy Trinity. You know, the G-man and the J-man. With the exception of some fairly short phases, Audrey has been remarkably good at not repeating these words and expressions. Unfortunately, we seem to be in one of those phases right now.
Some of her recent outbursts:
"What the heck! Oops. I mean what the hell!"
"Noni likes to say Jesus."
"Damnit is a cat and Dangit is a dog."
That last one almost makes me want to get a cat and a dog. See, no one could accuse me of swearing in front of my child if I were to say "Damnit, get over here!"
In each case, Audrey knows that she's saying something forbidden and she'll sneak a mischievous look at me and wait for my reaction. She really has no way of knowing that the words are "bad" other than my reaction to her saying them...or sometimes she just assumes that anything said with a certain pissed-off intonation is "bad".
So she'll say things like "That's just great!" or "The ice is so icy! The ice is mental!" and sneak that same hee-hee-I'm-naughty look at me when she really hasn't cursed per se.
And then there is the quandary of what I should do, because whatever you say will come back at you over and over again. So I hear things like "Don't say Jesus H. or I'll spank your dupa!" or the even more incriminating "Only mommies can say that! That's mommy talk!" Yeah, that wasn't my best parenting moment.
Which makes her latest observation all the more accurate, "I'm a pain in the mom."