Saturday, January 1, 2011

Winter Break Is At Least One Day Too Long

I'm so bored I'm thinking of sticking hot pokers in my eyes just to see how it feels.  Cuz sometimes I'll flippantly say things like "I'd rather stick hot pokers in my eyes", implying that it is the worst kind of pain.  But who am I to say?

Today feels so much like a Sunday.  I wish it was Sunday.  I'm willing it to be Sunday.  But it's not.  Which means that I have yet another day to kill of this interminable winter break.  The toys have all been played with, and some are already broken.  Tawny's batteries are running low, and she's lost her novelty.  The Play-Doh Magic Swirl Ice Cream Shop is so caked with dried up crap that nothing can be squeezed out of its orifices anymore.  Dang, I never called Uncle Richie at the nursing home to wish him Happy Holidays.  

I suppose that Audrey and I could do some crafts.  God, I hate crafts.  Always have.  When I was growing up, I could never do anything as good as my older sisters.  I would get so mad and stomp off because who wants to do stupid crafts anyway.  It's taken me several decades, but I've finally found someone that I can out-craft.

My Shrinky Dinks

Audrey's Shrinky Dinks

HA!  She sucks.

29 comments:

  1. OMG I'm CRYING. "Shiv?" LMAO!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. that's an effective shiv--with the extra point? Serious Barbie damage. If you want, i can make her a barbie-sized orange prison jumpsuit. You know, for a social story...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Katie can totally out craft me, so I am still SOL, as I am the most non-artistic person on earth. I hate all things crafty, and that HAS to be Katie's obsession. Of course.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm feeling the same way. I think break is at least 3 days too long. I was so happy when the ABA therapist took my oldest bowling for a group social skills lesson Thursday.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I vote for no breaks, period. I was all bummed that our kids only got a week off. By Monday morning I was twitchy. What was I thinking? I've got 3 kids running around claiming they are bored. Really?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hands down yours are better ;) Monday can't come soon enough! tick tick tick

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dear winter break,

    Fuck off

    Sincerely,
    Dani G

    ReplyDelete
  8. This post would be even funnier (is that possible?) if "Tawny" wasn't a toy pony.

    Considering you've decided to raise your family in Chicago, Audrey's shiv making skills should come in handy by 2nd or 3rd grade the latest.

    ReplyDelete
  9. like most of your posts, this made me laugh outloud and send the link to one of my friends who has the same exact sense of humor as you! we love it!
    i too hate this 2 weeks off nonsense.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I could not disagree more. My children are delightful and I have enjoyed every minute of this time with them.

    (ifyouare readingthis sendhelp!1 I am tiedto achairwith arubber snake being fedeasybaketreats oopefh !@ #)

    ReplyDelete
  11. I hate crafts. I hate glue. I hate paint. I hate extra bathtimes to wash previously mentioned glue and paint out of once beautiful but now sticky, green ringlets. I hate conversations about crafts with snarky one-upper mothers when I just smile and nod and pretend to know what the heck they're talking about. I hate the guilt that comes afterward because I don't do lots of crafts with my kids.

    Okay, now somebody is supposed to say something to ease my guilt. Anyone? ANYONE?

    ReplyDelete
  12. yeah, this "break" is about to send me over the edge. I might just need a shiv. ask audrey to bake me an extra one, please?

    ReplyDelete
  13. You are NOT allowed to complain! At least Audrey is going back to school this Monday. My daughter doesn't go back until Jan. 10th. Yup! I have a whole extra week of break. 3 weeks is ridiculous. I hate L.A. Unified School District.

    BTW, I thought Audrey's were superb! I love the cat!

    ReplyDelete
  14. @ThisSideOfTypical, @Jen: Barbie and Minnie are going down.

    @Amanda: Glad that you got at least one break!

    @Kim: Ooooooh...you are so lucky.

    @BigDaddyAutism: You can use the name Tawny for that new blowup doll that Santa brought you if you want.

    @Aimee: This from the woman who actually pulls her kids out of school...what are you nuts???

    @Ashley: You do not have to do crafts to be a good mother. Look at me! Yeah, I got nothing.

    @CherylD: I'll send you the shiv.

    ReplyDelete
  15. at least you go back Monday! Mine go back Tuesday, because Monday is a teacher work day...which means my teacher husband is going to leave me ALONE with the kids...

    Also craft challenged here...thankfully oldest dd is crafty in all senses of the word. She handles the artsy fartsy stuff so i don't have to

    ReplyDelete
  16. I thought it was Sunday all day too. I went to pack the backpack and realized - one more day.

    I'm missing the crafting gene. Now I'm going to go google shrinky dinks.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Admit it! Audrey's shrinkydinks were way better than yours...

    ReplyDelete
  18. School isn't back here until the 10th, when you are finsihed with the pokers can I borrow them?? Jen

    ReplyDelete
  19. HA! We have one of those Play Dough Ice cream shoppes.... sitting in a bag in the basement. I was too lazy to clean it after its first use! Absolutely no patience for the thing...

    ReplyDelete
  20. This is hilarious, I'm thinking there should be no winter break, maybe Christmas day and that's it... thinking of sending my daughter to camp out for the school bus now. Glad you have found your true calling as an overachieving shrinky dink maker.

    ReplyDelete
  21. i can't WAIT to go back to WORK! HELP! I am actually grateful that Jakes went to his fathers so I could have a little break today!

    ReplyDelete
  22. I feel your pain Lynn! And we have another week to go!! ANOTHER 7 DAYS! Gawd...help me!

    What makes it worse is that the kids got an extra week off due to the snow on Christmas week!

    If you're looking for me you'll find me curled up in a corner rocking and sucking my thumb!!

    xx Jazzy

    ReplyDelete
  23. I used to dread the Christmas break too

    THEN-

    When they get into college.......
    It's a month!
    OMG, can I hang myself yet?

    I will admit I don't have to worry about being the entertainment committee. But god forbid you disturb their slumber, ask them a question, or run the washing machine when they decide to take a shower at 3 in the afternoon.

    I feel you pain! Tawny needs a little nip of JD or SoCo. That'll perk her right up!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Crafts are evil and I've been know to throw a craft related hissy fit from time to time. I am glad to see that Shrinky Dinks are still around!

    ReplyDelete
  25. I have to decorate a freaking snowman with Ben for his preschool class today. I hate the things they send home that you are supposed to do as a family. What the hell am I paying for him to go to school for? I let him do the gingerbread man himself, though, and he drew a penis and butt crack...not sure if it made the bulletin board.

    ReplyDelete
  26. That's pretty funny. Of course, yours are better. I mean, her's are pretty flippin' amazing but yours? Are so realistic it's scary. :)

    ReplyDelete