Monday, February 7, 2011

Party Like It's 4709

4709 is apparently the
year of the Easter Bunny.

Audrey and I went out for Chinese last night with my mom.  It wasn't at all to celebrate Chinese New Year, but let's say it was.  I'm so glad that the 47-oughts are almost behind us, because this decade has suh-ucked.

The opening of the fortune cookies at the end of a Chinese meal has always been contentious in my family.  Really there is nothing that my family cannot make contentious.  No matter what my mother's fortune said, my father would always find a way to twist it around to make it negative or something that he could razz her about.

This finally culminated in the great Lang Lee Incident of '89 when my mother could take it no more and burst out with "It doesn't matter what it says, you always say the same thing!  It could say 'You are a lumberjack with a hatchet through your head' and you'd say 'That's your mother!  THAT. IS. YOUR. MOTHER!'"

This story is a big part of our family lore, right up there with other scrapbook-worthy moments like the time my 8-year old self shot my dresser with a 20-gauge.  After that, my mother steadfastly refused to open fortune cookies in my father's presence.  Also?  They stopped storing their firearms in my bedroom closet.

Since my father passed away, the moratorium on fortune cookies has been lifted.  Last night, my mother's fortune read:
"A sound mind and healthy body bring many happy events to your family."
I forced myself to say nice things about this ever-so-sunshiny fortune, but in my head I was channeling for my father.  *Dripping sarcasm*  "Sound mind?  HA!  Good one.  Healthy body?  Yeah, right!  That's your mother alright!"  Miss you, Dad!

Audrey's fortune read:
"You will receive a surprising gift very soon."
I'm thinking of changing out of my flannel pants with the Santas and reindeer on them to make this one come true for her.

And mine?  Check it out...



Ooooh.  Fortune cookie very wise.  Would it be so wrong if I pinned all my hopes and dreams on it?

23 comments:

  1. I think it's already true! But I hope your humor will take you even farther!

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  2. I am dying laughing. This might be my favorite post of yours ever. Every word is perfect.

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  3. I am perishing Lynn
    you can put a smile on ANYONE's face

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  4. I think you should pen that one on the front of a t-shirt. Wear it proudly. 'in bed'

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  5. Oh yes, that def needs to be ironed on a shirt.

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  6. So on target! Love it. Put it on a shirt, frame it. It's great :)

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  7. Don't read horoscopes but love the fortune cookies. I think the reindeer pants sound like a wonderful idea! :)

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  8. that kind of gave me the chills a little bit.

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  9. LOVE!

    my last fortune told me i had a nice personality. Last time i heard that, i socked the guy.

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  10. As usual, you blew it already. The numbers on your fortune came up last night in the Mega-Super-Jackpot-Lotto Lottery. You didn't play them, did you? Thought so. Oh, well $492,114,012.09 only goes so far any way.

    Good luck with those T-Shirts.

    Hi Carol.

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  11. That one is perfect for you!! Fortune cookies are always surprisingly accurate. I think there is a science behind them....has something to do with how many you eat....OK maybe less science, more stats.

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  12. I'm playing those numbers tonight. BGA says they already came up but it could happen again. I'm feeling lucky.

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  13. Of course, that should say BDA. Hope I copy the numbers down correctly.

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  14. 4709? Ha! My people are in 5771. We win.

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  15. I found your blog a few days ago and love it. Thanks for the laughs.

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  16. Confucious says "People who write things that makee others roll on the floor laughing will go far." My bet? You will definitely go far!

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  17. I'm thinking you should still play those numbers! The fortune was so right, how could you go wrong with those numbers?! And BD is just telling you it was LAST night....

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  18. Yeah, but what if "far" just means "to the emergency room" ?

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  19. You gots to frame that one. We hit upon some good ones every now and then. My favorite was when I just started dating my husband..."Stop looking. What you seek is right next to you."

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  20. Alas, I have moved to a small town where there is no Chinese food delivery, and I don't do Chinese buffet (or any other kinds of buffet for that matter - germ factories!!). I miss fotune cookies! Yours was perfect!! That one definitely needs to be framed or made into t-shirts, or an annoying car bumper sticker.
    I never get good fortune cookies, just ones where the English translation is so horribly garbled that it is funny.

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  21. Lang Lee has the best Sweet and Sour Chicken ever.

    At least your Dad didn't make fortunes dirty by adding "in bed" at the end. The most horrifying Christmas ever was when someone brought a 5lb (no exaggeration) bag of fortune cookies for dessert. You know, the traditional dessert of our Polish ancestors. Anyway, someone taught innocent, very Catholic, slightly slipping into senility Grandma to say "in bed" after every fortune. She spent the rest of Christmas making dirty fortune cookie related jokes. It was both amusing and horrifying.

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  22. Holy crap that is perfect! That. Is. So. You. Lynn.

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