Saturday, March 5, 2011

A Bloggy Meet-Up: Big Daddy Autism

Our trip to Orlando included a meet-up with Florida-based daddy blogger and my Autism WTF radio partner, Big Daddy.  This would be the second time that I had an in-person meeting with a bloggy friend, the first being Dani G.  Based on Big Daddy's cartoons of himself on his blog, I assumed that he would not be as smoking hot and bikini-ready as Dani G.  So I was rather looking forward to meeting him and being photographed next to someone that would not make me look like I had gigantism in comparison.

I was working under the iron-clad assumption that nowhere in Florida is more than 45 minutes away from Disney World, so I felt it wouldn't be too much of a hardship for the BD clan to come to us.  Audrey and I were traveling with her BFF Grace Anne and her mother Aimee, and we were staying with Aimee's parents in their timeshare.  Aimee had no idea who Big Daddy was, and I had to beg her to come along with us to our initial dinner meeting. 

We decided on a pizza place.  BD has this annoying, stalker-y habit of googling pizza places by my house and sending me links to them.  He is fairly pining for a taste of the supremacy that is Chicago pizza after decades of gorging himself on inferior NY and FL product.  Poor thing.  But since it is the only food that he will eat, we didn't have much choice in the matter.

Give Big Daddy a hug,
sweet thing.
We chose the restaurant based on its proximity to the place where Aimee's parents were having dinner so that they could drop us off.  As we approached the restaurant, I began to suspect that this one, like so many others in Orlando, had a theme.  Apparently the theme was Star Wars because greeting us in the doorway was the guy pictured at right.

I breezed past him looking lithe, beautiful, and centered, trailing the scent of a thousand jasmine blossoms, when the thing grabbed me and pulled me in for a hug.  Big Daddy?  Whoa.  No way.  He is so much fatter than I imagined, I thought to myself but definitely did not say out loud.

I scanned the room for the rest of his clan, but could not find anyone even close to resembling the crude cartoon depictions on his blog.  I had to assume that the woman with the two kids that were frantically waving at me were the BD's.  Mrs. Big Daddy was gorgeous and looked to be about 16.  I thought to myself, "What in God's name is she doing with him?" but definitely did not say it out loud.  Until later in the evening when I definitely asked her what she was doing with him.  She got a little teary, batted her eyes at him, and told me that she loved him.  I knocked back the bilious vomit in my mouth with a swish of the bilious vomit that is Florida water, and calmed myself by rationalizing that those likely weren't tears of joy...and I'm pretty sure that the eye-batting was actually her blinking out "HELP ME" in Morse code.

Aimee limped along behind me on two bloody stumps that were formerly known as feet.  She had refused to take my advice and chose fashion over comfort the day before when we went to Epcot.  It being her first time traveling with me, she had yet to realize that I'm always right about everything.  Rookie mistake.  She paid for it dearly when Big Daddy cornered her like a wounded gazelle in the Serengeti and laid a sweaty hug on her.

Audrey was beyond ready to eat and positioned herself at the table right across from BD's son Griffin who opened the conversation with "Whatschooldoyougotowhatgradeareyouinhowoldareyou?"  Audrey turned her head and whispered the name of her school into her shoulder.  Yeah, it was a regular autism-style Algonquin Round Table.

Griffin and his little sister were so adorable that it was impossible to believe that they were the fruit of Big Daddy's loins.  Lil Sis and Grace Anne bonded over the fact that they had the same Nintendo DSi.  This reminded me of the old Seinfeld joke, "You like Coke?  I like Coke too...you're my friend!  You like Cherry Coke?  You're my best friend!" 

With the group's bonding officially complete, we made plans to meet the next day at the Magic Kingdom.  To be continued...

24 comments:

  1. Ok. So you decided to go with complete fiction.

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  2. I cannot stop laughing at the sheer magnitude of your comedic genius...I love how Jabba/Big Daddy has glasses...

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  3. So. If you're ever on the east coast and wanna get together? The answer is no ok?

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  4. OMG "a regular autism-style Algonquin Round Table" I just spit. That's hilarious.

    As horrifying and terrible as this experience apparently was, I'm still REALLY fucking jealous.

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  5. This whole post cracked me up. I don't care whose version is the truth...they're both funny.

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  6. I miss you. I've been politico-advo-ma-cating way too hard and a whole buncha other stuff going on and I haven't been commenting ANYWHERE.

    But look, I come back for a peek and you're still as hilarious as ever! Bless your heart.

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  7. Love it! I appreciate the details...I almost feel like I was there. :)

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  8. I love you! You made my night! Seriously, so much awesomeness here. *Jabba*

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  9. Just remember: You never forget your first!!!
    Can't wait to hear more more more!!

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  10. I am in tears over here...thank god for hilarity.

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  11. So glad you two didn't kill each other! I would have lost two great bloggy friends!

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  12. Nowhere else in the world will I find Jabba in glasses married to a 16 year old!! Cannot wait for more!!

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  13. You make BD sound so sexy! Sweaty AND touchy-feeling...no wonder Mrs BD is in tears! So wish I was there.

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  14. I love this- I am really on the edge of my seat waiting for more ;)

    I'm starting to picture this series ending up with two severely divided camps- Team Lyn & Team Big Daddy- with merchandising galore (think Twilight) lol.

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  15. WHICH ONE OF US WAS SCOLDED BY THE DISNEY PO PO?(spoiler alert: It wasn’t any of the children)

    HOW MANY QUESTIONS DID LIL SIS ANSWER BEFORE SHE CUT GRACE ANNE OFF? )Hint: Lil Sis is *really* nice. And also used to being berated with questions)

    DID GRIFFIN EVER GET HIS PASTA WITH MARINARA HE ORDERED? (at the hot dog stand)

    WHAT DOES MRS. BD CARRY AROUND IN THAT GORGEOUS LOUIS VUITTON BAG? AND WHY DOES SHE WEAR WHITE GLOVES TO HANDLE IT?

    IS BIG DADDY OUR NEW SUGAR DADDY?

    DID MRS BD AND I GET ANY PIZZA? OR WORDS IN EDGEWISE? (OR OXYGEN?)

    WHO DOES AUDREY THINK IS THE FUNNIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD?

    All of these questions and more will be answered by me in my post at......wait....I don't have a blog? or any followers?! Where do you two want me to post this crap?

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  16. AWESOME! This is just.... awesome! Keep it up.. I don't get out much. I have to experience it through the blogs of others.

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  17. Aimee - I think anyone here would be happy to give you a guest spot.

    Oh, and what jillsmo said: still jealous.

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  19. It was going to happen eventually - The Audrey and Griffin conversation, I mean. You & BD & bad Florida pizza, now that was inevitable.

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  20. I feel like I got to live it through your eyes! The kid conversation was hilarious. I'm waiting for Aimee to tell her story in a post (or 3) on your blog!

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  21. I didn't even notice the glasses on Jabba till reading the other comments, that's priceless. I was actually hoping for real pictures! Forget all this privacy stuff!

    Great story! Hysterical!

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