I was working under the iron-clad assumption that nowhere in Florida is more than 45 minutes away from Disney World, so I felt it wouldn't be too much of a hardship for the BD clan to come to us. Audrey and I were traveling with her BFF Grace Anne and her mother Aimee, and we were staying with Aimee's parents in their timeshare. Aimee had no idea who Big Daddy was, and I had to beg her to come along with us to our initial dinner meeting.
We decided on a pizza place. BD has this annoying, stalker-y habit of googling pizza places by my house and sending me links to them. He is fairly pining for a taste of the supremacy that is Chicago pizza after decades of gorging himself on inferior NY and FL product. Poor thing. But since it is the only food that he will eat, we didn't have much choice in the matter.
|Give Big Daddy a hug,|
I breezed past him looking lithe, beautiful, and centered, trailing the scent of a thousand jasmine blossoms, when the thing grabbed me and pulled me in for a hug. Big Daddy? Whoa. No way. He is so much fatter than I imagined, I thought to myself but definitely did not say out loud.
I scanned the room for the rest of his clan, but could not find anyone even close to resembling the crude cartoon depictions on his blog. I had to assume that the woman with the two kids that were frantically waving at me were the BD's. Mrs. Big Daddy was gorgeous and looked to be about 16. I thought to myself, "What in God's name is she doing with him?" but definitely did not say it out loud. Until later in the evening when I definitely asked her what she was doing with him. She got a little teary, batted her eyes at him, and told me that she loved him. I knocked back the bilious vomit in my mouth with a swish of the bilious vomit that is Florida water, and calmed myself by rationalizing that those likely weren't tears of joy...and I'm pretty sure that the eye-batting was actually her blinking out "HELP ME" in Morse code.
Audrey was beyond ready to eat and positioned herself at the table right across from BD's son Griffin who opened the conversation with "Whatschooldoyougotowhatgradeareyouinhowoldareyou?" Audrey turned her head and whispered the name of her school into her shoulder. Yeah, it was a regular autism-style Algonquin Round Table.
Griffin and his little sister were so adorable that it was impossible to believe that they were the fruit of Big Daddy's loins. Lil Sis and Grace Anne bonded over the fact that they had the same Nintendo DSi. This reminded me of the old Seinfeld joke, "You like Coke? I like Coke too...you're my friend! You like Cherry Coke? You're my best friend!"
With the group's bonding officially complete, we made plans to meet the next day at the Magic Kingdom. To be continued...