Monday, March 21, 2011

Top 10 Ways That Spring Break Doesn't Mean What It Used To

Audrey's Spring Break begins today.

Shit.

I've not been looking forward to it, and it made me realize that the two words "spring" and "break" put together do not have quite the same allure that they used to.

So here are the top 10 ways that Spring Break just isn't what it used to be:

10)  "Wet t-shirt contest" now refers to the game in which I guess the precise combination of bodily fluids, chocolate sauce, and bubble juice that is smeared down the front of me.

9)  Unless you're name is Dani G, you probably aren't rockin' a bikini like you used to.

8)  The stuff that makes my butt itchy is not sand in my swimsuit bottoms.

7)  Instead of hoagie-barin', I'm checking show times for Yogi Bear.  OK, that one sucked.

6)  Now if I hook-slide through a pool of puke, it's entirely inadvertent.

5)  When I was in college, I somehow did not think of it as a completely unnecessary interruption to the school year and a needless disruption of routine.

4)  If I wake up with a strange appendage poking me in the back, it's just Audrey's chin.

3)  I think Jell-O wrestling is a waste of perfectly good Jell-O.

2)  "Belly shots" now refer to jokes made at the expense of Big Daddy's ginormous gut.

And the #1 way in which Spring Break just isn't what it used to be...

1)  No one wants to see my tits.

32 comments:

  1. Your blog seriously makes me laugh and brings back so many memories of my oldest daughter (now 16 - ASD). Thanks for blogging!!

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  2. OMG, I'm, like so totally embarrassed! #noiamnot

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  3. Haha...that strange appendage! Not that I would know anything about that, or anything, but holy hell that made my morning!

    I have no idea what hoagie-barin' is. Can you tell me what I have missed out on? Unless it is trolling around looking for sanwhich shops. Then, do not tell me, let me keep my rated x version. Thankyouverymuch!

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  4. you really need to start just posting the pic of Dani in her bikini when you refer to it..so the whole world can see how they screwed up their bodies after baby. ; )

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  5. Haha!! Uhhmm.. yeah, I know what you mean - But no spring breaks yet - still in ABA! Monday is my favorite day of the week!

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  6. hoagie bearin? really?

    Like people eat during spring break...

    And i bet if you head down to the old folks home, someone there might throw you some beads if you flash your tits.

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  7. Too funny.

    Dave Bukovinsky

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  8. As to #1, I could not agree more. Just reading about them is bad enough.

    Btw, are we talking about the same ones that were settled in just above your kneecaps at Disney? Then yeah, keep those to yourself.

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  9. I'm sure if you had another baby he/she would love to see your tits.....bwahahah.

    Also, mine just went back to school after a TWO week spring break........Which it would have been THREE WEEKS of spring break but we missed so many snow/ice days that we had to go back a week early.

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  10. I'm not there yet, since Georgia's not in school, but I get really irritated during Spring break. There's WAY too many kids and parents at Target while I'm trying to do my mid-week shopping, and the park is always slammed with older kids bullying their way through the slides and swings. Georgia doesn't stand a chance of playing safely with them around, and their parents look shell-shocked from having their kids 24/7.

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  11. Good luck, we just came off break and I was never so happy to chuck him out the side door of the minivan as I was today. And I mean that in the nicest of ways.

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  12. Definitely from a parents point of view! Hilarious and so true!

    I hated spring break when mine were little. I valued my 6 1/2 hours of solidarity!

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  13. I just left an establishment called "Sky Zone." Nuff said.

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  14. @Jen: I thought I was doing better by linking to the actual post from last summer that showed her in a bikini, but you're right...I might just have to post the damn picture next time. Somehow I don't think that Dani would have a problem with that.

    @ThisSideofTypical: *sniff* *sniff* *sob* *sob*

    @Big Daddy: Please direct your attention to #2.

    @cooperl788: Shell-shocked. Yes.

    @Lizbeth: Soooo jealous.

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  15. It's funny 'cause it's true.
    And I never rocked a bikini like Dani G. That picture and the unending rain around here is seriously depressing.

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  16. I can so relate to your list! Man, I feel old!

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  17. I'm not old. I'm sure everyone would like to see my man-boobies. They are very rounded.

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  18. Hi Lynn. Hilarious list! And thanks for stopping by on my SITS day last week - I am still making the rounds (and waiting for Jon Hamm to show up at my door).

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  19. LMAO - My spring break is not for another week and a 1/2 - not enough time to get a boob job or get in shape. Sigh.

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  20. hahhahahaha!

    BTW: In addition to like 10 other people, I just tagged you for that damn book meme. You're welcome.

    http://autismmomrising.blogspot.com/2011/03/book-meme.html

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  21. #4 = hysterical.

    Good luck during your spring break...

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  22. I'm generally nauseous the entire time, and it never has anything to do with alcohol consumption. I really do find school vacations terrifying.

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  23. This is great! 1 through 4 are my favorite.

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  24. you are making me die laughing
    especially this one
    ") If I wake up with a strange appendage poking me in the back, it's just Audrey's chin"

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