Audrey's Spring Break begins today.
I've not been looking forward to it, and it made me realize that the two words "spring" and "break" put together do not have quite the same allure that they used to.
So here are the top 10 ways that Spring Break just isn't what it used to be:
10) "Wet t-shirt contest" now refers to the game in which I guess the precise combination of bodily fluids, chocolate sauce, and bubble juice that is smeared down the front of me.
9) Unless you're name is Dani G, you probably aren't rockin' a bikini like you used to.
8) The stuff that makes my butt itchy is not sand in my swimsuit bottoms.
7) Instead of hoagie-barin', I'm checking show times for Yogi Bear. OK, that one sucked.
6) Now if I hook-slide through a pool of puke, it's entirely inadvertent.
5) When I was in college, I somehow did not think of it as a completely unnecessary interruption to the school year and a needless disruption of routine.
4) If I wake up with a strange appendage poking me in the back, it's just Audrey's chin.
3) I think Jell-O wrestling is a waste of perfectly good Jell-O.
2) "Belly shots" now refer to jokes made at the expense of Big Daddy's ginormous gut.
And the #1 way in which Spring Break just isn't what it used to be...
1) No one wants to see my tits.