Monday, March 28, 2011

What I Did On My Spring Vacation, By Audrey

Day 1
Spent the night last night at Noni's house.  This morning, watched the same 3 DVD's that I've watched for the past 4 years.
Went to Target.  Cried when I couldn't stop in the Easter candy aisle.
Went to the park that I broke my arm at a year and half ago.  :: intense flashback::
Went home.  Got in trouble for disrupting Dad's work conference call by blasting The Sound of Music soundtrack.  Who uses a speaker phone when I'm around?

Day 2
Accompanied mom to the hospital for Aunt Debbie's epidural nerve block.  Took a little longer than expected.  After Mom's iPhone battery ran out, watched elevator doors open and close for 3 hours.

Getting my hand
stuck in the anti-
bacterial dispenser.
For the 2nd time.
Losing the will to live.
 heaving myself down
the elevator shaft.

Day 3
2 hours of ABA therapy.
Piano lesson.
Looked at Disney World photo album.  Sobbed.

Day 4
2 hours of ABA therapy.
Staged a sit-in when Mom suggested we go see great-grandma in the nursing home.
1 hour of occupational therapy.
Went to CVS.  Cried when I couldn't stop in the Easter candy aisle.

Day 5
Went to Noni's house.  Watched the same 3 DVD's that I've watched for the past 4 years.
Went to Costco.  Mom yelled at me and told me not to dance in the cart corral.
Free samples = Hummus +  fiber bar + energy drink = stomach cramps.
Mom took me to the bathroom.  She said, "By all means, be sure to touch every square inch of the toilet seat and lick the door knob on the way out too, why don't you?"  She said it kind of mad, so I did it.

I never thought that going back to school today would look so good.  T.G.I.M. everybody!


  1. ready to get drunk now? Or, maybe a bit of the hair of the dog? Spring break, long weekends, teacher in-services...all drive me to drink (even more than normal).

    Glad everyone (mostly) got through this one! :)

  2. Get that kid some Easter Candy, stat!!!!!

  3. It must have been a drag having to take Audrey to the hospital to wait around. I had to take my husband to have a colonoscopy last week while my daughter was in school. The whole three hours I had to wait, I kept thinking thank goodness it's just me!

    Poor thing!

  4. Lol!! TGIM should be my blog name! Why oh why must they touch every filthy thing in the public restroom? My son is like a gymnast on the public toilet seat. He'll put his leg straight out and basically walk on his hands across the toilet seat.

    Too bad the Costco episode did not come directly before getting her hand stuck in the antibacterial dispenser! Hope that didn't hurt! (and I'm with Jen- get her some Easter candy!!)

  5. Whew! I thought my kid had the most boring spring break ever, but you gave us a run for our money! Let's hope our kids never get together and plot our demise.

  6. I cry in the Easter Candy aisle too.

  7. Hahahahaha..... oh geez... (sniff) Hehehe... oh.. sorry. (snuffle) Too funny..

  8. Memories! What a full, rich, and fun spring break. Who would have thought you could have squeezed in 49 hours of therapy AND subject her to a marathon trip to the hospital to see her Aunt Debbie in excruciating pain AND force her to take a jaunt over to the nursing home AND deny her even getting to see her precious Easter candy?

    She must be dissapointed you couldn't get her to work in a sweatshop or get that colonscopy she's been beggin for.

  9. My son made it out onto the deck...once. Other than that, he holed himself up inside and ate all the food he could find.

    He even called me at work a couple of times to tell me he was lonely, and needed some love.

    He couldn't wait to get back to school - he made me go online and verify that Spring break lasted all week.

  10. Today is day 1 of our spring break. We've been up for over 2 hours and he has thrown 4 cups of water (he used the 4 cup measuring cup) on the kitchen floor, eaten 4 breakfasts and sat in the laundry basket...

  11. I was thinking of you last night--wondering if you made it out alive or if I needed to read an Obituary. I bet that upper level window was looking pretty darn good about Thursday...

    I'm glad it's over and for the love of pete, get that poor girl some easter candy already! LOL

  12. You always make me chuckle. Just curious. What are those 3 DVD's that Audrey likes to watch over and over?

  13. Oh Lynn, you're fantastic. Your writing and sense of humor are the absolute best.

  14. We've been there with the hospital visits. Glad you made it through! Our spring break isn't until the week after Easter. Looking forward to it?!?!

  15. Yes, you should let her have some Easter candy. :-)

  16. Poor lamb. You should have posted her to BD and had yourself a decent spring break. That's what I am planning to do with my son.

  17. @June Freaking Cleaver: I'm laughing so hard that he made you show him how long Spring break was...I don't know why Audrey didn't think of that.

    @Kerry: Oh are off to an auspicious start.

    @DeeAnn: I'm not quite sure that she even likes to watch them anymore...they're just the only ones there. You'd have thought that after 4 yrs I would have gotten around to swapping them out for new ones. Baby Van Gogh, a Miss Spider compilation, and a Max & Ruby compilation.

    @noway: No way!

    @Noonie Trousers: Does he know about this?

  18. Should do this type of entry for each of my kids. Would be interesting I would think.

  19. We missed you guys! I looked at my Disney photo album and sobbed too.

  20. Come on, after the three hour wait at the hospital Audrey so totally earned a visit to the easter candy aisle! Especially since it sounds like she left nothing broken in her wake!
    And she didn't even try to tell you new and inventive places to put the DVDs that she has been watching for 4 years now!

  21. I'm with Bethany, she totally earned that Easter candy! Plus, dancing in the cart corral? Talk about fun!! :)

  22. Loved it. Made me laugh out loud because I can soooo relate. =)

  23. Cracking up!!!! OMG, that's funny!! And you say she's "non-typical"?

    Everyone dances in the cart corral. They're so bloody happy the shopping's done!

    Hey, even I have watched the elevator doors open and close for entertainment! It beats watching CNN on the close caption flat screen. I can never keep up with the captioning and the actual footage.

    Yes, Mondays after spring break are f**king awesome!

  24. ohmygosh,ohmygosh,ohmygosh! I've totally said that bathroom line from day 5! :)

  25. Oh my lord. The hospital, Target and the nursing home?! Are you a masochist ... or starring in some reality show on the Learning Channel?

  26. Glad every one survived the week relatively unscathed -gearing up for Spring Break next week with my fabulous Aspie son and guess what?I'm outta Xanax! I just took stock of the fridge, however, and I have 5 Mike's Hard Lemonades, 3 Buds and a real ID that shows I'm double the legal drinking age......let the good times roll! Someone please tell me...WHAT IS UP with the sobbing and the viewing of pictures?? My son does it every time...take care all!

  27. My daughter had two weeks vacation and we were complete vegetables! :)

  28. A vacation is supposed to be a break from routine! You deserve a real vacation soon!

  29. I hope you get a real vaca asap!


  30. Oh man - I totally cry by the candy aisle too - and licking the bathroom handle should be an Olympic sport - how many times can you do it before you get sick from it! I hope Monday also brought you a bath or a nice glass of wine - you deserve a break.