Friday, April 15, 2011

Guest Post from Big Daddy Autism: Lab Time

I'm still recovering from my SITS Day yesterday.  Thanks to everyone who stopped by and wished me well during my "Queen for a Day" Day!  While I go through cyber-lovefest withdrawals, Big Daddy Autism has kindly agreed to step in and guest post for me today.

Big Daddy doesn't get a SITS Day.  Sometimes he gets a sitz bath, but that's another thing entirely. The men folk in the blogosphere just don't have the outlets that the ladies do.  So show him some love by SITS-ing all over him.

Big Daddy AutismBig Daddy spends a lot of time visiting doctors.  Sometimes, I even have an appointment.

Through an unfortunate confluence of events, Griffin (my adorable 13 year old autistic son) had to accompany me when I went for lab work needed for an upcoming endocrinologist appointment.



My insurance requires that I have my fluids extracted at a lovely place known as Morhdorh, Land of Shadows, Old People, and Uncomfortable Chairs.  Anyone who has had the misfortune of having blood drawn in the US in the last 10 or 15 years should be familiar with the purgatory that is the modern specimen collection site.

Griffin was surprisingly well behaved in the waiting room.  Luckily there were just 46,254 people ahead of us with the same appointment time as me.  So we only had to wait eight years and few months to get called to the back. 

The stench was a notch below noxious but three steps above putrid.  Screaming babies and moaning octogenarians were a nice touch.  I was reminded of Calcutta in the summer time. But with a little more e-coli and fruit flies.

Once in the promised land, as the tech drew four hundred gallons of my sticky, syrupy blood, Griffin continued his awesome behavior and even asked some appropriate questions.   Even though I was bravely fighting off the overwhelming need to faint and the rapid onset of the vapors, I remember these beauties:

“Does that hurt your tattoos?”

“Can I see the blood?”

“Are they testing for diabetes?”

“Can I have Burger King for breakfast?”

Then came time for me to excuse myself to the restroom and fill the royal chalice.  This step in the process was beyond thrilling for Griffin. 

When I came back, he thought it was hilarious that I was carrying my urine in a small paper cup.  He was still peppering me with questions as we wandered back through the mass of humanity and out to our car. 

His fixation on the subject continued in full force as we pulled up to the drive thru window at BK.  Precisely, as the girl handed me Griffin’s French Toast Stix, he blurted:

“Do you like it when you pee in the cup, Daddy?”

32 comments:

  1. Wait- DO you like it when you pee in the cup? Weird.

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  2. hahaha!!! awesome!! AWESOME!

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  3. Fortunately, he wasn't put in a position to ask you, "do you like wiping up the pee you spilled from your cup?"

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  4. Oh lordy, that boy's timing is impeccable! Awesomely funny post...you should write a book...!

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  5. A pee sample? Could have been worse...

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  6. Look at all of those happy people in the picture! Were you back at Disney?

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  8. The pee in a cup thing is a typical response for little boys. They love it. WHen Alex had to do a 24 hour in a cup deal it was the most thrilling thing for him ever. He ran up to the speech therapist and reported excitedly, "I peed in a cup!".

    I figured I'd report this over here too because I know BD relishes any opportunity to make Lynn jealous:

    http://www.babble.com/Baby/baby-development/top-25-autism-blog-full-list/

    I don't think anyone who curses made that list, Lynn. I guess they don't listen to the radio show then. And to think, BD made the list despite the swim suit competition. Had he sent in Dani G's picture he might have finished 1st place!

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  9. We recently had a similar experience except all four of us (our family) were subjected to blood draws. It was for an autism study. And you would think that lab techs that have drawn blood from 280 autistic children would be over asking one to "sit still and stop squirming".

    glad Griffin was so amused at your expense!

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  10. Ted loves to ask appropriate, albeit embarrassing questions, too. My favorite is when he asks me, "Mom, you poop in potty? You do big flush?" Typically he asks this while about a million other people are standing around us. And, typically, I did NOT poop in the potty. There was one time...one time, I tell you!

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  11. Hey BD, your appointment was early in the morning and still that crowded? I guess all the senior citizens in your area book everything as early as possible to avoid a crowd, which I know doesn't usually work out for us when we try that tactic...

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  12. LMAO! You gotta love it!

    Having blood draw isn't easy on my stomach either. I always feel like I'm going to puke.

    When you said there were 46,254 people ahead of you I got a quick shot back to Beetlejuice when he's sitting in the waiting room at the end of the movie and his ticket read something an 8 digit number ahead of him. Then quickly distracted the guy next to him and switched tickets.

    I hate waiting rooms as well.

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  13. LOL! Oh man, I needed this laugh today :D Classic & awesomely written, as ever. I think I'm becoming a groupie ;)

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  14. Of course boys like peeing in cups, it's easy for them! It takes real talent to pee in a cup when you're female.

    I'm going to add "peeing in a cup with limited spillage" to my resume.

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  15. Awesome, man! I'm pretty sure my kid would have asked the exact same question at precisely the same moment...except mine would never have asked for BK. McD maybe, but not BK

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  16. Oh, you have no idea how much I NEEDED this laugh today! Thanks!

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  17. Thanks for not drawing a cartoon to accompany this story.

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  18. You mean you got to go to the bathroom BY YOURSELF to pee in the cup? Yeah, that is why my kids have no questions about how I like it, they've SEEN it. Shudder.

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  19. Having worked in a hospital I avoided that place like the plague. Uggh. Go take a Silkwood shower (like NOW) before all the bandaid's stick to your arm hair.

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  20. Lynn asked us to SITS all over you, but since you're not here I guess I'll just have to SITS in a cup.

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  21. In case anyone was wondering, the answer to Griffin's question is yes. I get a strange sense of accomplishment from succesfully completing this task.

    Thanks for avoiding the temptation to SITS all over me. Although, I really couldn't give two SITS if you did! Is that weird?

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  22. Hurry back Lynn - hope you will share what it was like to be the SITS girl!

    BD - I must be more like my mom than I'd like to believe because this post says to me that Griffin is destined for a medical career. Who else could go for the blood draw, ask to see it and then ask for BK? Checking your emotional state after peeing in a cup, perfect bedside manner!

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  23. Ha ha. Love it. Been there. Just the other day we were at swimming lessons. The woman in front of us was having difficulty with the code on the family change rooms which they insist on locking up like a bank vault. My son walks up and punches in the code. Door opens. I said to this poor lady who'd probably just fought with it for 5 minutes "Figures right?" Then my son trying to be subtle but who is actually quite loud says "It doesn't figure. That lady just doesn't know how to push some simple buttons. A two year old could do it I think". Then he winks at me. He he.

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  24. Thanks for the afternoon pick-me-up! I'll share one with you. Today my 5 yo Aspie quote-machine said to me, "Mom, the only thing I can't explain is love." [from Easter Beagle Charlie Brown!] I thought, wise boy. :) Have a great weekend!

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  25. Here's my question. Now that he knows his dad has peed in a cup, do you think Griffin will try it at home?

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  26. he sounds like he would be great fun at parties (Griffin, not BDA). LOL

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  27. well...do you like peeing in a cup?

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  28. I am beginning to feel less and less special the more you pimp yourself out on other people's blogs...

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  29. This was hilarious as my younger son and I just went to have blood drawn Saturday morning. Then a phone call came. After sticking him twice, and my bribing him with the promise of Dunking Donuts and a trip to Chocolate World, they neglected to collect one of the needed vials of blood, and can we please come back at my convenience?

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  30. What a coincidence, my doctor is in Morhdorh too, oh no, it's just Bridgeport, CT, but basically the same place. Don't believe me, do a Google search on Bridgeport, hell of the earth. They even referenced it on Family Guy once. And getting blood drawn always hurts my tatoos. Let Griffin know.

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