Thursday, June 23, 2011

Those 5 Cringe-Inducing Words: "I Had the Weirdest Dream..."

So I'm on an airplane and sitting next to me is a guy with his baby girl.  He is traveling alone, and seems a little overwhelmed.  I try to help him out and ask to hold her.  Even though she is an infant she can already pull herself up to standing and seems almost ready to walk.  I marvel over her amazing motor skills as I hand her back to her father.

OK, so already we know that we are in dreamland because 1) I would never help anyone out with their baby on an airplane, let alone B) complement them on their kick-ass motor skills.

The airplane then morphs into some kind of cruise ship/massive flying hotel.  I'm walking around and get paged to the front desk.  It takes me forever to make my way there, and when I find it the clerk says "Did you hear what happened to the baby?"  I did not.  She informs me that the baby died suddenly, and that they think that she choked on a contact lens.

I close one eye, then the other.  I am missing a contact lens.


For the rest of the trip, I hide around corners avoiding the guy, as if I'd farted in front of him or owed him money rather than killed his baby.  He frankly doesn't seem all that upset.  Besides, who chokes on a contact?  So much for her awesome motor skills.

This is not my first contact lens-related dream.  I once dreamed that it was my job to put humongous contact lenses into the eyes of a circus elephant before he performed his ice-dancing routine.

I wonder what the contact lens represents?  Does anyone know how to interpret these?  Am I a complete sociopath or should I just cut back on the peyote before bedtime?


  1. Ahhh.... one of those reasons I quit wearing contact lenses... that and the fact that they itch like the devil!

  2. I have no the hell idea how to respond to that dream....killing normies in your sleep, eh? ; )

  3. Hysterical.

    I got drunk last night and proceeded to have a work dream in which I offered to carry something to a patient's room for them, but was accosted by a wart hog on my way there.

  4. A parent overwhelmed by a typical kid?

    Isn't that the revenge fantasy all special needs' parents have?

    No? Maybe it's just me.

  5. Was I on the plane? How dare you have a dream that doesn't involve me.

  6. The peyote thing. Cutting down. Do that.

  7. This is a dream about clarity. You have it ... or at least half of it ... "it" being a clarity of vision about "normality" that would choke/kill /bereave normal people. That elephant-contacts dream makes more sense now, doesn't it?

  8. Way to go, baby killer!

    I like the clarity explanation by Grandmama2Allie, so let's go with that.

    I never remember my dreams, now what does THAT mean?

  9. I just googled it. It says that dreams about contact lenses mean you need to focus on a task at hand. It then said the stupidest thing I've ever heard -- it might also mean that you need to contact someone. I wonder if they'd say the same thing if you dreamed about contact paper. (Remember that? I hate contact paper.)

  10. I can't get over the fact that the baby choked on a contact lens. Yikes!

    .........the meaning? If you see it, you will find it.

  11. as an old hippie guru once told me, remember--everyone in a dream is a facet of yourself. You are that baby and that dude.

    so it looks like you'r trying to destroy your inner child...

    or you hate wearing contacts.

    wait--maybe YOU are the contact? and you want to get eaten by a baby?

    Imma go trip on some shrooms and think about this more...


  12. So I'm going with that I need to focus on not wanting to throttle typical kids. Probably a good lesson for me.

    @Mom2LittleMiss: But if I stopped wearing them think of all of the cool dreams I'd miss out on.

    @Jen: Only cuz I can't do it for reals.

    @tulpen: You are frustrated by work. Because there are wart hogs there.

    @JFC: Not just you.

    @BD: In your dreams.

    @Stimey: Done.

    @Grandmama2Allie: I still need help with the elephant one...what does the elephant represent?

    @Flannery: Only total psychos don't remember their dreams at all.

    @Nate: That is awesome. Now I'm going to dream about contact paper and wake with an overwhelming urge to get in touch with every old lady friend of my mother's who still uses contact paper.

    @Rebecca: I like the positive spin on my misdeeds.

  13. Death by contact lens. I think you would totally get away with it.

    Unrelated - I really need to start wearing contacts again.

  14. Goof effing grief! This is hysterical. A circus elephant wearing contacts? haha

  15. Wow! Maybe the elephant killed her. And maybe you should take more peyote..I love reading about other people's dreams.

  16. cut down on the shrooms and up the tranquilisers pet, then you won't give a f#@k what ANYTHING means.

  17. I bet you woke up feeling like shit after that dream!

    I'd for the obvious. The contact lens represent the need to see things more clearly. Maybe you feel like you can't see the big picture or you're missing something that should be in focus?

    The baby choking on it is pretty obvious. It represents the hostility you feel toward normies.

  18. I have to admit, Katie was totally that super awesome gross motor baby...until she wasn't. She was ahead til 12 mo, then fell behind. So that baby could have been her...don't kill my kid!!!! ; ) You know, she was one of the "oh, she's not talking b/c she is concentrating on walking" babies. OK, so she got walking down...aaaaaand?????