11) Every time you post you lose two followers.
10) You write a post and title it "And I Kick Ass At Chocolate Eclairs" and some douchebag tells you to watch your language. And you can't even figure out what the swear word was.
 |
| Hi, my name is Kim. I hate you and your blog but I'm going to follow it and leave shitty comments because I'm an asshole like that. |
8) Every time you get your quarterly BlogHer advertising check, you calculate how many spoonfuls of gasoline it buys you and descend into a funk that lasts until the next check comes.
7) You write what for you is a positive post, and you get this comment from the same snatch hat who thinks "ass" is a swear word: "See to me it's not the emotion of the autistic one, but of the whiny so-called normal adults who think everything in the world is about them!"
6) You have thin skin.
5) You'd love to post but would much rather be filling out school forms, cleaning the fish tank, and talking to your husband.
5) You'd love to post but would much rather be filling out school forms, cleaning the fish tank, and talking to your husband.
4) You develop Blog Rage and become irrationally incensed over cartoon avatars and someone using "loose" when they mean "lose".
3) You can see from your troll's Facebook profile that she works at a funeral home in Oklahoma City and this makes you way too happy.
2) No one comments on this post.
And the #1 sign that you should stop blogging...
1) Whereas you usually are scraping to come up with 10, this list goes to 11.
LOL
ReplyDeleteI wish I couldn't relate but I sooo can. LOL
Loved it!
:-) Too funny! So, does this mean you're quitting and all other bloggers will go up one level?
ReplyDeleteI don't have a troll. God, I suck.
ReplyDeleteYou're good enough, you're smart enough, and gosh darn it, your snatch hat follower blows goats. And dead people.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Your Most Mature Follower
Can you please leave "kim's" blog address? I'd like to pop in on her several times a day, become an avid follower and leave her some great comments. Really ride up her readership.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
I love Lynn
ReplyDeleteshe would HATE my blog then...
ReplyDeleteI swear like a motherf**ker.
I'd write it out, but dont wanna be offensive on your blog.
I'll save it for mine :)
I think trolls are a sign of awesomeness.
ReplyDeleteThis post cracked me up.
"Snatch-hat"...wow!! that should send her over the top. Way to go! Love this post...
ReplyDeleteHow many times must I apologize for the "2010 Twitter loose/lose incident!?"
ReplyDeleteLynn, you could make a better pie than that out of an old shoe and a jar of Vaseline. And you have way better hair. But you probably do share the same taste in nightgowns.
ReplyDeleteDo not allow yourself to be run out of the bloggyspere by a crazy Oklahoman (redundant?). And let the fish clean their own damn tank.
So, is this your swan song? Are you leaving us? You better not be, bitch! I love you and don't want you to stop blogging!
ReplyDeleteYeah, you're the bitch that I'm jealous of. You're posts are always funnier, snarkier, more insightful. And while I'm lying in a bed of my own jealously, I still want to have a place to laugh my ass off! See, loving humor trumps jealously every time!
totally.
ReplyDeleteAlso, fuck Kim.
When you put yourself out there, you can't expect all feedback to be applause. People will find a beef with anything. Just look at the news peanut gallery who live simply to leave nasty comments on tragic stories in the news. I wish I could say there's one in every crowd, but unfortunately there's more. It's up to you to decide if what you're writing about is worth the inevitable jeers from the simpletons who don't understand irony, sarcasm, the soul cleanse of a good rant, and that some of us are storytellers who HAVE to write like others have to breathe.
ReplyDeleteIf you quit blogging, I will hunt you down and hold you hostage, Misery-style, until you start again.
ReplyDeleteFunny, but you are the one that always gives me blog envy ;)
ReplyDeleteFor real, you crack me up every.single.time.
ReplyDelete@ Flannery: I know, I wish I had a troll!!
ReplyDeleteLynn: Please don't stop blogging.. :(
(I'm with Jen!!)
Even the New York Times bestsellers have haters...be happy that you struck a nerve, and got someone to quit focusing on their own life a minute and left you a comment.
ReplyDeleteI don't recall getting one negative comment on my blog...unless it was from my very own family.
They have issues with how I portray them sometimes.
My blog, my way - let them write their own blog, and they can rant about me.
I use comment approval so I can decide who makes the cut.
Don't look at the number of followers - who knows why they drop off?
And to the haters? It's THEIR problem...and your blog is just more proof that they need to be sucking more eggs.
Ok, I'm with Jen...we can hunt her down and make good use of her funeral home. Then you can write troll free. But first we get to club her legs. Too much?? Probably. But hey, you're a great writer with so much to say just not enough time. That I get.
ReplyDeleteHang in there and do what you have to do. But if you DO disappear I will hunt you down and club YOUR legs. Too much?? Yeah probably.
Seriously, hang in there sweetie.
I hope this doesn't mean you are hanging up your keyboard on the very same day I found your blog---I can't have that on my conscience! I can't wait to read some of your past posts...the crazy heat is such a grand excuse for blog-addiction!
ReplyDeleteWhat? How come you have a troll and I don't? I use ACTUAL swear words on my blog
ReplyDeleteWhere can I find this troll of yours, anyway? I would like to taunt her.
ReplyDeleteNow I have troll envy. Thanks a bunch you looser XXX
ReplyDeleteDon't let the nitwits get to you. Wear their comments as a mark of pride! Look at it this way--if people have to get their jollies jerking your chain about the word "ass" on YOUR blog, they've got no life. You're already at least five rungs above them on the ladder of success, right there!
ReplyDeletePlease please please do not let some uptight dumbass run you away. If she is offended by the word ass, she can take her happy ass somewhere else and leave our asses alone!!! OK, childishness aside, I am guessing from this comment alone-- "See to me it's not the emotion of the autistic one, but of the whiny so-called normal adults who think everything in the world is about them!"--that this dumbass (sorry, just had to get one more in!) probably doesn't know the first thing about kids on the spectrum. Let's lock her in an SUV with all of our kids and a dvd of Blues Clues for about an hour, and see how many times she says ass. :)
ReplyDeleteOh, and I'm with Jen and Jacquie.
ReplyDeleteassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassassASS!!
ReplyDeleteOnly the coolest bloggers have trolls. I've clearly missed all the fun.
ReplyDeleteWith lots of love from the Whiny-assed, clearly-not-normal Mom of the bipolar kid.
xoxoxoxo
Well shit. I have at least four of these that I'm aware of. Does that mean I should stop blogging?
ReplyDeleteHahah...I'm still waiting for my blog troll. Then I'll know that I've made it into the In Crowd. Oh. AND YOU GET CHECKS? As in, like, money? I'm so jealous. But don't worry. I can't afford a hit. =)
ReplyDeleteHaha, you should not Quit because you rock it. You have to be able to blow it out somewhere...why not with your amazing followers. You are letting one troll get to you? Yeah...give us her info, we've got your back. Oh yeah and what they all said up there.
ReplyDeleteHow about when you check your blog a couple times a day just so your meter count will go up to 2.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to have to now go back to find this troll in previous posts? So not fair! I've got an opening statement on Monday. I know you wont' quit with all this comment love - plus you're just too damn good. We've all been spoiled by reading your greatness! And you're getting paid? I totally need the book on how to blog by Lynn...
ReplyDeleteYou should definitely not stop blogging, Lynn!
ReplyDeleteAnd is Kim for real??
If we're taking hits out on bloggers more popular/better then ourself, then watch out sister! And uhm, using the name 'Kim'?? I'm gonna have to hurt this lady.
ReplyDeleteTop 10 Reasons Why Lynn SHOULDN'T Stop Blogging--We'd miss: 10)Audrey's texts 9)Lynn's interpretations of Audrey's texts 8)Lynn's sarcasm that makes us LOL 7)comments by her readers that make us LOL 6)Audrey's photos 5) videos of Audrey singing, dancing, and/or berating Minnie Mouse 4)"Sh*t My Daughter Says" 3)Lynn's poetic use of profanity 2)Lynn's dissing Big Daddy
ReplyDeleteAND the Number One Reason Lynn Should NOT Stop Blogging: Don't give that troll Kim the satisfaction of making you quit!
Seriously, Lynn, I love your blog--don't quit!
Great top ten list, Pam!
ReplyDelete@All: Kim was a troll over on my Facebook blog page that I have now blocked. I actually had TWO of them...the other one that liked to tell me that I wasn't funny cuz I'm sure she was hilarious.
ReplyDeleteThanks for all of the love! I especially respond to threats of violence. You want to club my legs *sniff* You really really want to club my legs *sniff* *sniff*
I feel a little left out. I mean, I am offically part of the Cool Club - just because I have a couple kids w/autism, right? But, no. That isn't enough for me anymore. I blog. I DEMAND a troll!
ReplyDeleteYou will not quit blogging. The end.
ReplyDeleteThe loose/lose thing is a legitimate issue. Bad grammar is a pet peeve of mine. I've also discovered that the worse your grammar is, the more likely you are to get a free washer and dryer. It's so insulting.
ReplyDeleteKeep blogging. You're great. Your blog title alone is a reason to keep posting. Mind if I add you to my blogroll?
ReplyDeleteThanks for adding "snatch hat" to my insult dictionary. I love it.
ReplyDeleteOh dear I really should give up blogging. Then again I get days with 3 or 4 comments on one post and then days with none - can I average them out to one a day?
ReplyDeleteLeave it to BlogHer Blogging to pick a winner like this. FABULOUS!
ReplyDeleteThis is wonderful! I shouldn't have laughed too hard.
ReplyDelete"school forms" "talking to husband"
ReplyDeleteHaHaHaHaHaHaHa!
Isn't that what the troll is for?
Greetings from a new follower. As others mentioned above, I too now have troll envy. I even had the word Bitch in my last post in a joke, but all I got was folk wanting to steal the joke. And why does the loose/lose your/you're stuff bother me so much? But it does, darn it.
ReplyDelete