I am always a bundle of nerves. Always. Sometimes I will actually stop in my tracks and force myself to think, "What the hell are you so nervous about right now?" And it will be things like:
"I don't have anything to blog about" or,
"I think my kitchen towel may be carrying scabies" or,
"Opening up this new bottle of hermetically sealed contact solution is going to make me .05 nanoseconds later than I already am." or,
"What if Beyonce has a baby girl that looks like Jay-Z?" or,
"Someday I'm going to die."
making the decision about Audrey's fall placement, and back in April about the push back that I was getting over wanting to hold her back a year.
I had to wait until just last week -- two days before the first day of school -- before we had our followup to the April IEP meeting. I did decide on her classroom placement (partial self-contained/partial inclusion), but had to wait all summer to discuss retention and transition planning.
I came very close to puking before that meeting. I won't go into the details, but long-story-short, I was able to get one of Audrey's teachers from her old school to go to her new school to help with her transition, as well have her inclusion be into a 1st grade rather than 2nd grade classroom. The whole retention thing isn't a done deal and we will be revisiting it after the first quarter. But at least we will start out that way and see how it goes.
There was also an open house last week for the self-contained classroom, which was the first time that I saw many of Audrey's new classmates. As was the case for her two years of self-contained preschool, she is the only girl...this time amongst 9 boys. But they all seemed like good kids. If we make it through an open house without at least one kid prostrate on the floor with their fingers in their ears for the duration, I consider it a success. And if said child is not Audrey, it is a resounding success.
I could have done without the one mother telling me that her son was expelled from his previous school for practicing his martial arts moves on his classmates -- seriously, why do people feel the need to be so honest with me? -- but other than that it was great.
Audrey had two full days of school after that, and she was by all accounts a rock star. Someone asked her over the weekend how she liked her new school and she answered that she "loved it". This is what all of the teeth-gnashing, gut-wrenching, hair-pulling, cuticle-gnawing, hand-wringing, and general out-freaking is all about.
I feel good about my decision and where she's at right now. We are only two days in and I know how fast it could change and all go south, but for now I'll let myself feel a very unfamiliar feeling of (relative) calm.