Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Fun With Mangled Baby Chicks and Racial Stereotypes: We're Pumpkin Patchin'!

We've been doing our annual tour of all the local pumpkin patches this month, including the one that I wrote about last year with the open trough of baby chicks that the kiddies can have at.

Every year I think that we will be greeted by PETA protesters, and every year the trough-o-chicks is back. Fine by me, because Audrey is obsessed with them.

This year, I think I actually did witness a strangulation. Audrey was doing her usual pick-em-up-throw-em-back and jumping up and down and flapping in between, when another mother suddenly handed her a chick. Audrey said, "Awwww...he's sleeping!" and put him back in the trough. Yeah, he was taking one big long dirt nap alright.

So, in other words, either this woman or her child squeezed the chick to death (what the PLEASE DON'T SQUEEZE THE CHICKS sign isn't clear enough for you?), and then they hand it off to Audrey and try to pin it on her. The old blame-the-dead-animal-on-the-autistic-kid move, eh?  Hey, I invented that move.  Wait.

Ssshhh, Werewolf Elvis.
Just ssssshhhhhh.

Performing a chicky gyno exam
Look Ma, a twofer!

Our pumpkin patch not only celebrates Halloween but
Hispanic Heritage Month with this Mexican jail jumpy house

Is Frito Bandido busting me out of here or what?
Muchas Buenos Felices Halloween-o!


  1. After reading this post I laughed so hard that I cried. Thank you.

  2. Oh I am so glad no one here has chicks. Then my kids might be criminals.

  3. Oh my gosh...I cannot believe someone tried to pull the old, hand off the dead chick, routine. Really, they are probably just on the way to the, well, the place where our science museum sends their really cute harm, no fowl. <---

  4. "Here, hold this dead chick while I call the police."

    I INVENTED that in college. I mean. . . um. . .

  5. I can't believe they tried to pin that dead chick on Audrey. I would really hate to see what they would do with a dead hooker.

  6. I am cracking up so hard at the mexican jail jumpy house. wtf? werewolf elvis on heehaw will give me nightmares, thanks.

  7. I'm pretty sure I would have kicked the woman who handed my kid a dead animal in her taco.

  8. She was framed and the place had a Mexican jail to lock her up in? Sounds a little too convenient to me... a little fowl play. Don't worry. I know a couple of good lawyers you can call.

  9. oh my goodness, oh my goodness! I am laughing, but it's wrong, but I can't stop!

  10. Oh, man, I can't believe people! I also can't believe how much this made me laugh!

  11. That poor baby chick. I might be scarred for life if I witnessed that.

    But I LOVE pumpkin patches. We live right next to one, petting zoo and all. I'm just going to watch out for the baby chicks next time around...

  12. We were at the Fall Festival last weekend, at the "cardboard box O chicks", and I was SURE that my kid would be the one to squeeze them to death. As luck would have it, the mama chicken was perched on the edge of the box, ready to peck out the eyes of any manhandlers. Disaster averted!!!

    And the bounce house?? Congrats on finding the most un-PC pumpkin patch ever!!! Too funny!

  13. I learn so much from reading your blog! To think that I could have blamed my some for all those dead...but wait, I've said too much.

    Seriously, what type of special person hands a dead chick to a child? It boggles my mind.

  14. OMG! Dead baby chicks don't usually crack me up but dang. That was so funny. I guess I'm going to Hades now. Where PETA will probably be the ones to row me across the river. =)

  15. The scene: Me, laughing so hard I probably sprayed snot.

    The husband: "What are you reading that's so funny?"

    Me: "Autism Army Mom."

    The husband: "Oh, the 'Swamp Ass' chick?"

    I hope you like the new nickname. It may never die. Oh, and this post is funny as hell!

  16. WTF with the mexican bandito??

  17. Once again, I love your way with words. BTW- Does Audrey just keep getting cuter or what!?!