Thursday, October 6, 2011

Top 10 Things Overheard On the Special Needs Hot Line

I just came across an article about a special needs help line that, in addition to giving out service referrals and resource recommendations, also provides general support to parents of special needs children.

I can only imagine the types of inquiries and conversations that go on, and in fact I think I will do just that. So here are the Top 10 Things Overheard On The Special Needs Hot Line if I was staffing it...

10) I think I know what the problem is. Did you by any chance replace your original Baby Mozart DVD with the newer 10th anniversary edition? Because it's just ever-so-slightly different from the original and instead of teddy bears banging on drums there's a new scene with slightly different teddy bears banging on slightly different drums, and I'm pretty sure that's why he took a baseball bat to the TV screen.

9) Sounds like your husband is King of da Nile, if you know what I mean. He needs to get out of that shame spiral, own his truth, and be his best self for the benefit of his child. Damn, I miss Oprah.

8) Don't worry, it's a common rookie mistake. Next time you elbow a precocious typically-developing kid in the head, you'll know to make sure that his parents aren't watching. 

7) No, that thing where you can drop your kid off at the fire station ends at 6 weeks not 6 years.

6) Oof. Sounds like you jacked your nephew just a little too hard if he claimed to be seeing "tinglies" for the rest of the day.

5) Yes, this help line is confidential, but I am required to report any plans to "take out" your school administrators to the authorities.

4) I think your only hope at this point is to get your sister-in-law to drop the charges.

3) You're embarrassed because your kid had a meltdown in Target? You. are. ADORABLE.

2) I've heard that hydrogen peroxide does a great job on poop stains and smells in your carpet, but burning your house down is a sound option as well.

And the #1 thing overheard on the special needs help line:
1) No, I'm not authorized to prescribe meds, but I know a guy...

Do you think I have the job?  I joke, but if you seriously need support that reading this blog somehow does not give you (WHAT?), please go to or give them a call at 877-914-MOM2.


  1. Yay New Jersey! Here in MO, we have a Behavioral Crisis Line (just found out about it at the hospital). They even offer mobile therapists, so it would be best to hide the restraints if you give them a call...

    When I lived in Pittsburgh, I called the Mobile Team a couple of times to help with The Boy - they rocked!

  2. You totally have the job! know a guy, huh?

  3. Sounds like you're giving away all their secrets?? What's the point of even calling? You've answered it all right here.

  4. I love the adorable target meltdown!

  5. Ah Lynn,

    I have been reading your site (directed by my beautiful wife) for nearly a year religiously (OCD?) since our daughter has been diagnosed.

    Being an Australian male who enjoyed playing football (AFL), drinking beer and having a good time there were not a lot of people who I could have venting discussions with about this topic.

    But I found an (tough) old codger who has a special needs daughter. After (frighteningly) bringing up the topic of raising a special needs daughter (did I mention he is a tough looking bastard?) , he told me what helped him was that he joined a support group.

    I went to a planned development day and it wasn't for me.

    What I have found that has helped me immensely is your blog. The fact that it is not politically correct has been life saving. Plus, reading the comment section with all of the devoted Army Mom members has been a great eye opener too.

    Keep up the good fight.

  6. Are you sure about #5 or are there exceptions? ;)

  7. @Anonymous: I'm with you on the support groups. They are definitely not for everyone...we all find our way through this journey in different ways. If I have helped you through this blog, then I am privileged. Thanks so very much for your comment.

  8. Lynn, you totally have the hotline job, especially because I didn't know the peroxide trick. Awesome!!

    Oh, and stop leaving anonymous comments for yourself, it's just shameful.

  9. I've got to get better at being stealthy when elbowing typically developing kids. It's an art form.

  10. Love #7...goes for any kid? What if you just drop them off for an hour? That sounds reasonable.

  11. Anonymous is right, Lynn...your blog is a gift to so many parents. You and Audrey are a light and a great source of encouragement to live, laugh, and love. : )

    So glad to see people appreciating you and expressing their support and thanks!

  12. You made me really laugh with these. I would totally want someone like you to pick up the phone if I ever called one of these things, so yeah, you def have the job.

    About that guy....

    PS. Since you said the problem was with firefox & mac, I tried using safari and guess what? All the link etc work again! **woo**

  13. I have it on good authority that Clorox Green Works multipurpose cleaner also gets out that poop smell.

    I think we all need the number of that guy...

  14. I totally get the poop one, except insert pee smell.

  15. OK, so if I plan on taking out my school administrators the key is to not let on about it here, right? I got ya, I'm good with that. Not that that would ever enter my mind.

  16. This is AWESOME. Now I know who to call when I have an "issue." Actually I already knew to call you

  17. "a guy" is always good to know. loved anon's comment.

  18. You'd definitely be the first person I would call for advice. My favorite: you're embarrassed about a meltdown in Target---You are ADORABLE! Classic stuff! I love this!

  19. Really needed that giggle. thanks!

  20. I look just like the lady in the photo. Can I have a job too? As I live on the Irish border, I know lots of guys who can blow up schools XXX