Thursday, November 17, 2011

Fright Night Gallery of School Pictures

A few weeks ago, I came out of the closet as a kiddie portrait addict, and pointed out that school pictures really have no chance at all of turning out well because mothers aren't present for them. And now I will present my evidence in the form of Audrey's and BFF Grace Anne's school pictures.

To the left is Exhibit A. Note the unfluffed hair and bad attitude that screams "I hate having my picture taken and no one is even trying to get me to smile. Where's the crazy lady that's usually here spazzing out and singing the Hot Dog Song from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse like I'm fucking 18 months old?"

Audrey has a lot to learn about posing for the camera. And Grace Anne is just the gal to school her.  I present you my favorite school picture of all time....drum roll....BAM!

Grace Anne's mother would like me to point out that she did not know it was picture day that day. Else Grace Anne would have been sporting her finest tank top and scrunchie. She gave me the password to the website where you can order copies and play with different backgrounds, and I've been doing practically nothing else since. It's amazing how the context changes with various backgrounds....

The tank top is making total sense now.
Doin' the Funky Chicken.

Ground control to Major Tom.
Call the police! She's been
stuffed into a burlap sack!!!!
Dude, I'm hiking the Grand Canyon...
what did you expect me to wear???
This one's for the troops.

Audrey's personal favorite.
She calls this one "Under The Sea".
Christmas card...DONE!

The marvelous Dani G and I have created a Blog Hop, so if you've got any doozy school pics you'd like to share, link 'em up below!


  1. So funny! Drew has had back-to-back years of wearing almost the exact same shirt in pictures, twice! In grade school he liked red shirts, in high school it has been blue shirts. His yearbook photos from 10th and 11th grade look almost identical. When he had senior pictures done in August, and they let you take in changes of clothes, he had 3 different blue shirts, but not the same ones as 10th and 11th grade.

    As much as the senior picture experience sucked, we both found comfort in the fact that his next 'picture hell' will be when he gets married. Personally, I am just grateful that it will be the bride's problem and not mine! Woo hoo!!!

  2. So far so good for us....but we are only two years into school portraits.

  3. Seriously?! You're gonna compare that adorable pic of Audrey with this one of GA?! I'm pretty sure her worst is better than our best. I'd take your photo any day! Or just one of GA with no armpits in the frame.

  4. Oh I have to find the one with crossed arms and a scowl my oldest did a couple years ago.

  5. I think your girl looks adorable in her school pic!

  6. Last year Owen's expression was that of being in the middle of an uncomfortable bowel movement.

    Gotta get a new scanner and post that shit.


  7. Did they have an amusement park background? If you had put Audrey's picture in front of that background it might explain the look that she could toss her cookies at any minute.

  8. Lynn, you know I love this post. Sean's school offers TWO picture days, the second of which features the "Major Tom" background. I tried to recycle the paperwork so I wouldn't have to order any, but he busted me, and my girlfriend informed me that they take everyone's picture (and send home examples) regardless of whether you pre-order any or not. Would you like me to mail you an outer-space themed wallet size? I have plenty to spare.

  9. Every year I pay good money for a crap load of craptasstic pictures. I never hand them out to anyone. Ever. I worked last night and am heading to bed, but girl, be prepared. Pics to come.......

  10. Is it too late to hop on? Can I do it and link back? Pretty please?