The Downers Grove Christmas Tree Is...

Last year, I wrote a post called "The Downers Grove Christmas Tree Is Rubbish" which got me some attention in my hometown, led to my column at the Patch and a writeup on my blog in the Chicago Tribune Local, and garnered me riches and fame beyond my wildest dreams. Well, two out of three ain't bad.

I thought I should carry on with the tradition and say something equally inflammatory about my town's Christmas tree this year. I'm not nearly as famous as I need to be, so I figured that I had take it up a notch or five. So for the 2011 edition, I will say that The Downers Grove Christmas Tree Is...RACIST! Whaaaaat? Shut your mouth! Oh no you di-int.

EXHIBIT A:

Mrs. Claus or...Mrs. Butterworth?
You decide.

The white face isn't fooling anyone.

OK, so maybe I'm painting Mrs. Butterworth with the same brush as Aunt Jemima. Is Mrs. Butterworth as racist an image as Aunt Jemima? Is Mrs. Butterworth even black?

So I Googled it and found a blog called Yo, Is This Racist? I can't find anything on the site about the person running it, but I'm willing to accept him/her as the final arbiter of what is racist...I mean, he's got a blog right? And a submission box labeled "Yo, Ask Me If Something Is Racist". And when someone named Anonymous asked if the Mrs. Butterworth bottle was racist, he/she answered as follows:

"Holy shit, yo, that shit is astoundingly racist"

He said "shit" twice. Case almost closed. I have one more photo to submit into evidence, but first some-not-nearly-as-offensive-as-racism-but-still-offensive ornaments:

Cyclopean gingerbread man
with a scrotal piercing

Special needs parents could have supplied
enough materials for a treeful of these.

I'd like to think that I had something to do
with the abundance of plastic wrap this year.

Poor Mr. Bill.

Owen does not read my blog or he would
know that old AOL CD's with a couple of
Christmas stickers do not decor make.

I swear it was not me that pulled
back the tin foil on this one.

My annual dough-based-ornament-gone-bad
Rorschach test.

And finally EXHIBIT B proving definitively that the Downers Grove Christmas tree is racist: